The Winter Boyfriend Part IV: Adult Sleepover

Previously in this series: The Winter Boyfriend Part III Oblivious to the roaming eyes of our Uber driver in the rear view mirror, Tex and I proceeded to snog the entire ride from the party to his place. And by his place, I mean his university accommodation. ‘How old are you again?’ I asked, stepping into the halls. ‘Twenty-seven.’ ‘Oh. Okay.’ ‘I know, it’s not ideal. Shit. If you want to leave, I’ll get you a cab,’ he said, stumbling over his words. ‘No, no. It’s fine,’ I said, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. Tex looked down at me, smiling and sliding his glasses back up over his eyes, which had slipped down the bridge of his nose. ‘You’re really pretty.’ I laughed and looked down at my feet before looking back up to meet his eyes. ‘Thanks.’ He ran his free hand behind my neck and pulled me into a kiss that I hummed into. ‘You’re so pretty,’ he said into my mouth. I laughed into his mouth and puckered my lips up against his and blew into his mouth with a loud huff. ‘Still pretty?’ ‘Mmm…so hot,’ he said, blowing into my mouth. I laughed, shrugging him [...] There's more...

The Winter Boyfriend Part III: Tex – Baby It’s Cold Outside

In case you missed that really obvious section of this website that has recent posts over there on the right, here’s a link to Part II in this series: The Winter Boyfriend Part II Quick recap: films were discussed and then Tex kissed me. Like THIS: It. Was. BAD. Just playing, do you think this series would be called The Winter Boyfriend if he were a terrible kisser? No. Because terrible kissers are almost always terrible in bed as well. I can only think of one exception to a bad kisser being good in bed, but I don’t even remember who it was since the kissing was too unbearable to put up with in order to get to the good parts. I digress. The kiss was more like this: If I were James Franco. Because I’m awesome at kissing, and it was how I imagine kissing me is like. As soon as Tex pulled away he mumbled, ‘Sorry…I’ve wanted to do that since I first saw you.’ ‘Really? Since the moment you saw me?’ ‘Yup,’ he said, a bit louder. ‘What if I had a really terrible voice. Like, what if I sounded like a man?’ ‘I’d probably forgive that.’ [...] There's more...

The Winter Boyfriend Part II: Tex – My Personality Dopplegänger

(Winter Boyfriend Part I link) ‘Why do you have that rucksack?’ I asked Tex, taking a sip of my beer. ‘Oh, this is my hobo bag!’ he responded excitedly. ‘Pardon?’ He removed it from his shoulders, which put me a bit more at ease as he no longer looked like he was about to do a runner at any moment, and unzipped the bag. ‘I brought my own beer!’ he said, beaming at me. I don’t know why, but I found this infinitely endearing and adorable. I was like, ‘You do know that they’ve provided food and beverages, right? I mean, that is what people do when they throw parties.’ ‘My momma always told me never to go to a party empty-handed,’ he said in his Texas drawl. ‘Alright, Forrest Gump.’ He laughed loudly as I added, ‘So you decided to bring a personal supply of beer in a rucksack?’ ‘In a hobo bag,’ he corrected me. ‘And it’s ‘MERICAN beer!’ ‘Eugh,’ I grimaced. ‘You are like school on Sunday – no class!’ He laughed loudly again before saying, ‘Heyyyy.’ ‘Aw, I’m just kidding.’ ‘No, the damage is done. You can’t have any of my beer.’ ‘Oh. Oh, no,’ I said, flatly. [...] There's more...

The Winter Boyfriend Part I: Tex

I pressed the base of my clenched fist against the foggy train window and then pressed five fingerprints above it, smiling to myself that I was still amused by making baby footprints on windows. As the train pulled into the second to last station before my stop I pulled out my mobile and dialed. ‘I’ll be there in five minutes…Okay…Love you, too,’ I said, quietly as not to be THAT person speaking loudly in the middle of a packed train at rush hour on a Friday evening. It was the last Friday in November and I was already on my fifth Christmas party of the season. At least this one was outside of London and away from the city centre which was strife with drunk bankers at all hours of the day thanks to the daily onslaught of company parties. As the train began to slow and the familiar surroundings came into focus I stood up to put on my full-length coat, followed by my scarf, hat and gloves. I grabbed my oversized Longchamp bag and stood at the door, slowly cooking to death under my winter layers in the heated carriage. I immediately wished that I was still on the train [...] There's more...

Gone Boy

‘Do anything interesting lately?’ I asked Lad Boy as I watched him pour us two glasses of wine. ‘I saw Gone Girl with the girlfriend. Ho-ly shit.’ ‘Oh my GOD! I KNOW!’ I said, excitedly. ‘I saw it the day it came out. Je-sus CHRIST.’ ‘So insane,’ he said, bringing me over a glass of wine. ‘I think I’ve dated people like her,’ I said. ‘Killers?’ ‘Well, there was the Marine. Pretty sure he’s killed some people.’ ‘Oh yeah.’ ‘I don’t think he was a sociopath though. Then again, maybe he was. I don’t know. That’s the creepy thing – how do you know?? I mean look at Gone Girl.’ ‘Seriously, I’m terrified of women now.’ ‘I’m terrified of people. I read that like 10% of the population are sociopaths.’ ‘Where?’ ‘Don’t remember,’ I said, spinning my wine glass. ‘You clearly just made that statistic up.’ ‘Only 37% of statistics are made up on the spot.’ ‘Can’t argue with the facts.’ ‘I thought I might be a bit of a sociopath so I took a test online to find out.’ ‘Surely that’s the first sign that you’re probably a sociopath,’ Lad Boy said, getting up to grab the bottle of wine. [...] There's more...

I Need Your Help and Opinions

Hey there everybody, I hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend. I have a massive favour to ask of you all. So, thank you to everyone who checked out my last Buzzfeed article, The Discussion On Harry Styles’ Sexuality Is Proof That The World Is Losing Its Mind. And if you haven’t read it, go read it now. Seriously. A One Direction Tumblr page has officially as of today generated more hits than my own website. Do not underestimate the power of that fan group. And from what I’ve gathered from my research, don’t make them angry either. Luckily everyone I’ve spoken with has been extremely nice and helpful. I have been asked to write a non-gif based article on the same issue for an online magazine, and am trying to shift the discussion from is he/isn’t he to a critique of privacy issues in the media and really question journalistic integrity (aka the Yahoo Celebrity UK article, Mike Adams, Lauren Toyota and all the other journalists publishing their unsolicited opinions on Harry Styles’ sexual orientation). Whether someone is posting stolen nude photos of celebrities or exploiting the speculation over a twenty year-old’s sexuality, things have gotten pretty out of control and I would [...] There's more...

Buzzfeed Article: “The Discussion On Harry Styles’ Sexuality Is Proof That The World Is Losing Its Mind”

    Even if you don’t google One Direction news as I do occasionally (read: daily), you have more likely than not heard about some controversy that’s been stirring over a comment Harry Styles made when Liam Payne said that one his favourite features in a girl he fancies is “being female,” to which Harry replied, “not that important.” That was, pretty much verbatim, all that was said. And now the world has lost its Goddamn mind over it. I kid you not. And this isn’t a question of Harry Styles’ sexuality, it’s one of his privacy. And it’s a conversation that goes beyond Cloud hacking and deeper into speculation and exploitation of a twenty year-old. It’s also kind of funny. So, have a look (and if you like, maybe share it with friends, loved ones, parents, Radio 1 DJs): http://www.buzzfeed.com/sexatoxbridge/the-discussion-on-harry-stylesa-sexuality-is-pro-gcfq xx     There's more...

The Houseguests Part I – Cal

For a bit of context, I will quickly explain who my mate Cal is. Cal is short for Caledonian Road, and that’s a name I’ve long wanted to give to someone because it’s easy to use and it sounds like it could be an actual name. But it couldn’t go to just anyone, it had to go to someone I intended on writing about. A lot. Cal and I have been friends since the tender age of twelve. He kind of looks like James Van Der Beek minus the five finger forehead. Man, that guy has a huge forehead! Anyhow, Cal was always nice to everybody, and all the girls in our circle of friends growing up had a crush on him at some point or another. He rejected me once when we were fourteen (something he doesn’t remember), and since then he’s been firmly friend zoned. Our star signs make us inherently incompatible so it would have never worked anyway. He’s like Lad Boy in that I might as well be a guy to him because we’re bromosexuals. He was always a good laugh, and ultimately became like the older brother I never wanted. When Neil Strauss’ The Game [...] There's more...

Oh Jesus Christ…FENTON!!

Okay, so this isn’t about an unruly dog. It’s about my unruly family members. Who may as well be called ‘Fenton’. In case you’re unfamiliar with this meme reference, here you are: A recent conversation went thusly: ‘I don’t think I like my job anymore,’ I began. ‘Why not, dear?’ My father asked. ‘I don’t know. It isn’t exactly soul satisfying. I think I want to be a writer.’ ‘Darling, people have a purpose, and they have a calling. You are fulfilling your purpose by making money, and you can fulfil your calling, if that’s what writing is for you, in your spare time.’ If “sulk” were a facial expression, I was probably nailing it. ‘Honey, I think you should absolutely pursue writing,’ my mother interjected. ‘You are a fabulous writer, I have always said that.’ She paused for a moment. ‘But perhaps you should also think about how you will make money.’ I rolled my eyes and stood up, heading straight to the mini bar. ‘You have to understand,’ my father said, ‘that in our generation there wasn’t a culture of having to have passion in one’s job. Yes, your job could be purposeful, but it didn’t have to be [...] There's more...

The Piña Colada Song

I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy about five times last week because I have a Cineworld Unlimited pass, an obsessive personality, and no life. I laughed, I cried, I was reminded why Stan Lee is my absolute hero, and I remembered how much I love pop songs from the 70s and 80s. In between my trips to Cineworld I downloaded a Guardians of the Galaxy playlist on Spotify and have been listening to it on repeat for about a week now. One song in particular on the playlist that I’ve always been familiar with and harboured a somewhat fondness for is, “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes. It was only when, whilst riding the tube with nothing to do but listen to music, that I realised that I have never actually paid any attention to the lyrics past the point of “If you like making love at midnight,” after which I default to sounds like “doo-da” or “la-la”. However, having now listened to the song every day for the last week I’m shocked that I’ve never really paid attention to this sordid tale of infidelity and domestic duress. I mean, I was never under the impression that it was any kind of [...] There's more...