RE: Heartbreak

Last week…or maybe two weeks ago…I don’t know, I am not great at keeping track of time…Anyway, some time ago I posted about my ex-boyfriend getting engaged to the person he started dating after we broke up, which wouldn’t mean much to anyone who wasn’t around in 2011 to witness my relationship with said ex. It was very dramatic and I wrote all about it. So, yeah, when I found out that Dale was engaged I think it was quite reasonable to feel like: To be clear, since our breakup in 2011 I haven’t been sitting around pining away for him. For the first two years I sent him two text messages, both on his birthday, which were met with consistent silence. In 2014 I needed the professional opinion of someone in his field of work, and he obliged via a Facebook message, after which we did not speak again. I was obviously aware through Facebook that he had a girlfriend, but didn’t think much of it. I eventually started seeing other people a couple of months after our final fight in 2011 during which he made it clear that we were never, ever, ever getting back together. Like, ever. And [...] There's more...

(fri)Endship Part II

“Physically I’m fine. Emotionally I’m bruised.” -H. Styles   (In case you missed the recent drama, here’s what’s happened: (fri)Endship)   First and foremost, thank you for the overwhelming amount of messages of sympathy which is exactly what I needed last week because I’m a needy hoe.   I can’t help but dwell on something like this despite my strong urge to bury it deep inside and forget it ever happened. My M.O. is to pick up and run when things are difficult, which ironically is what I was in the middle of doing for other unrelated reasons. My excitement to start something completely new in a month is doing a dishwasher like dance with my gut-wrenching dread and pain every time I think of that fucking email that Charlie sent me. I don’t know if I want to chunder from excitement or from terrible nerves at the idea that I’ve let a relationship deteriorate so aggressively that someone I use to refer to as my soulmate doesn’t even want to look at me.   Thick as thieves and partners in crime probably have a criminal aspect them for a reason. From pushing Charlie onto the roof of a club so [...] There's more...

(fri)Endship

I groaned awake as my phone buzzed, undoubtedly either from the bridesmaid group chat for an upcoming wedding I was a part of or the group chat with Cal and two other friends that I was also involved in. Unsurprisingly it was pictures of a giant bird from Cal. At 8:00 in the GD AM.   I ignored it but then couldn’t fall back asleep so I opened my emails and all of a sudden my breath hitched at the one that had been received 13 hours earlier.   “From: Charlie   To: [My name]   (no subject)”   My best friend and I hadn’t seen each other in half a year. Well, half of a year and four days. Since her wedding, to be precise. I had spent the subsequent months trying to get in touch with her, hang out with her, talk to her, pretty much anything. To no avail. It took her father telling me that she was apparently very angry with me to even realise that me giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming that she was just busy being married was extremely misguided.   In a couple of hasty text messages I had relayed what her father [...] There's more...

40 Days of Friendship – Introduction

I groaned as I looked at the clock, having slept through most of the morning. After a couple minutes of fumbling around for my phone I finally located it under one of my pillows and checked it for notifications. Nothing spectacular, well nothing at all actually. I tossed it aside and pulled my hair up, untangling myself from the sheets to go make a cup of tea. Some people (well, most people if I’m honest) think that my tea preference is a disgrace to the English nation as I prefer Earl Grey, brewed with two tea bags so it’s extra strong (and because I’m impatient and want it straight away). Then I fill half the mug with milk so that it’s like a tea latte, but also again so that I can drink it immediately, the milk cooling the water. As I drank my cuppa I texted Cal. We had previously agreed to start our friendship project today and we pretty much hang out every Sunday anyway, but thought I’d check in just to be sure.                                   Cal always says things like, “I’m not going to drink,” but by the time [...] There's more...

Sunday Funday

I made the short trip from the underground towards The Regent in Balham (pre-closure for renovation), smiling smugly as I waited for my phone to get service again. I was early, not even on time, early, which is a bloody miracle if you ask any of my friends. My phone buzzed to life, notifications indicating I had service once more. Here Cal had already texted me two minutes earlier. “SON OF A BIT-” I began to mutter aggressively as I pulled the door to the pub open, scanning the room for him. “How the fuck did he-” I continued to swear to myself as I walked to the back, trying to find him in the crowd. Damnit! I punched into my phone, hitting ‘send’ especially hard. I looked around again before sending off Where? Regent flashed on the screen almost immediately. I frowned, looking around. Surely he could see me standing in the middle of the pub like an absolutely muppet, turning around in circles. Outside I was still frowning as I pushed the pub door open. ‘What?! How were you here before me?!’ he said, equally enraged that he hadn’t won this unspoken battle of who would show up first. ‘Ha!’ I [...] There's more...

Why I stopped writing the Winter Boyfriend series…

…Because we broke up and it sucked. And now I’m torn between writing everything that happened and just picking up where it ended with what’s happened since. Also, I delved into an anthropological study into the One Direction fandom which resulted in a shockingly high amount of followers on Tumblr and a large body of work produced on Buzzfeed regarding the matter. It all culminated in this post: Some People GENUINELY Think That Louis Tomlinson And Harry Styles Are In A Relationship …Read it if you like, I put a similar amount of effort into it that I did into my own dissertation at uni, even going so far as to create my own sub-articles to back up my statements. I am nothing if not a thorough researcher at heart. Anyhow, at the end of the day all of you who’ve been here for awhile know I can have a tendency to be consistently inconsistent, but I am trying to change that. In addition to neglecting this website which I pay a stupid amount to host in the first place, I have actually been working on two television series which I am now trying to sell, so it’s not as [...] There's more...

The Metrosexual Woman

Hello, friends! As I previously mentioned, I have been working on some other projects as of late. One of which is partnering with a website called Someone Like Me to write about LGBT issues, relationships and sex (of course). The first article I’ve written is based on a conversation I had with Eddie Izzard at London Bridge Station when I bumped into him after work one day. Lovely man, and we had a long chat about transvestites and metrosexuality. The issue of gender versus sexuality has always been very important to me and having never quite identified with the binaries of ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ ever, the concept of metrosexuality and genderqueerness has been one of great interest to me lately. I hope you enjoy what I wrote, you can read it here: A Conversation About Transgender My name (well, pseudonym) isn’t on the article because the legal documents and NDAs are still being processed (haven’t stayed anonymous for over five years for no reason – devil’s in the details), but I intend to write semi-regularly for Someone Like Me as I think their work is fantastic and I look forward to the partnership. Hasta luego, amigos x There's more...

The Winter Boyfriend Part V

I woke up feeling an overwhelming sense of warmth around me. ‘What the-’ I exhaled, realising that Tex was wrapped around me and breathing down my neck. I was annoyed for about a tenth of a second before readjusting my head, his face dropping down to my collarbone. ‘Mmm,’ he groaned, squeezing me tighter. His tighter grip didn’t help with the fact that I desperately needed a wee. I placed my hands around his and squeezed them, intending to remove them from my waist immediately. He obviously thought otherwise and intertwined our fingers, squeezing our hands against my chest instead. It was less uncomfortable than him squeezing around my waist, but I scanned the room trying to figure out how to wriggle away from him. He exhaled deeply against my back and I let my hands go slack and then somehow managed to slip out of the bed. Tex let out a disappointed sound before shuffling around under the duvet and repositioning himself so that he was on his back. Luckily his room was an en suite and I tip-toed across the room towards his loo. I had the foresight to steal a spare (and new) toothbrush from Lily the [...] There's more...

The Winter Boyfriend Part IV: Adult Sleepover

Previously in this series: The Winter Boyfriend Part III Oblivious to the roaming eyes of our Uber driver in the rear view mirror, Tex and I proceeded to snog the entire ride from the party to his place. And by his place, I mean his university accommodation. ‘How old are you again?’ I asked, stepping into the halls. ‘Twenty-seven.’ ‘Oh. Okay.’ ‘I know, it’s not ideal. Shit. If you want to leave, I’ll get you a cab,’ he said, stumbling over his words. ‘No, no. It’s fine,’ I said, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. Tex looked down at me, smiling and sliding his glasses back up over his eyes, which had slipped down the bridge of his nose. ‘You’re really pretty.’ I laughed and looked down at my feet before looking back up to meet his eyes. ‘Thanks.’ He ran his free hand behind my neck and pulled me into a kiss that I hummed into. ‘You’re so pretty,’ he said into my mouth. I laughed into his mouth and puckered my lips up against his and blew into his mouth with a loud huff. ‘Still pretty?’ ‘Mmm…so hot,’ he said, blowing into my mouth. I laughed, shrugging him [...] There's more...