Be A Slut: Do Whatever You Want – Book Pre-Order Now Available!

Well, I did it. I wrote a book full of personal philosophies, the main of which was to be a slut and do whatever you want. I cannot thank everyone who has supported me over the past seven years, but especially over the last year and a half enough. It’s been tumultuous, but we made it. And I wrote a book about it! The other books haven’t been forgotten, I just finished this one first and once it’s finally out there I will return to my regularly scheduled Oxbridge sex writing. I wanted to do something special for the release, but due to the anonymous nature of this blog I’m unable to just hold a mass book signing, which is why for the first edition of the book I am having all of them first sent to me so that I may write you a lovely note and sign it before sending it to you myself.  There will be a subsequent edition that comes directly from the publisher, but this will be the only opportunity for you to get my beautiful ass handing writing and signature in your book. I’m very excited to share this book with you and hope that you enjoy [...] There's more...

Reasons I’ve Broken Up with People: No. 11

11. He made fun of a homeless man. I feel like this really doesn’t need further elaboration. But I’ll let you know what happened after I dumped that P.O.S. on the spot. Literally. I was like, “I can’t believe you just said that,” and then bid him fuckin adieu. I turned around and ditched the guy to go back to the homeless man who was sitting down with his dog and gave him all the change in my purse. “Are you going to be here later?” I asked the man. “Yeah, this is where I sleep usually,” he replied. It was close to my flat in a very central part of London, and nearing winter. There’s literally no part of the city that is warm or inhabitable outside at night for the majority of the year, but the weather was starting to really change drastically so I told the man that I’d be back soon and headed to my flat. I had a large bowl of change that I’d dumped random coins into over the previous months and emptied it into a ziplock bag before going to my pantry and pulling out a random box of dog food (I don’t know why I had it), [...] There's more...

Reasons I’ve Broken Up with People: No. 10

10. He had road rage. Okay so this is the same guy from these posts: Reasons I’ve Broken Up with People: No. 2 Reasons I’ve Broken Up with People: No. 7 …there were SO many reasons to break up with him. Like way too many. So many that it’s astounding that I was with him for so long. Literally ever single one of my friends who met him were like, “Uhh yeah wtf were you even doing?” after we broke up. One friend even said that to my face BEFORE we broke up, so I can only say that it was situational and Back to the road rage thing. The stupid thing about this was that he wasn’t even driving. We were in New York and leaving for the airport. Things were already super tense because we were meant to be joined by a third person but all of our luggage wouldn’t fit so she had to get her own cab. There’s more to that story…but it involves the deterioration of a friendship with that woman and we hadn’t spoken a word to each other in the days leading up to leaving New York and then she tried to be super [...] There's more...

Reasons I’ve Broken Up with People: No. 9

9. His cat would watch us doin it. We’re gonna call this guy Rob. When I was sixteen I was in love with Rob. He was in a band and his band would play at all of my parties. We essentially grew up as teenagers together even though we never dated. Rob, of course, always had a girlfriend when we were at school since I wasn’t the only one in love with him. One time when I was home from uni I ran into Rob at a pub. He was a bit heavier and with less hair, but still the sweet guy that he had always been and as it turned out he’d never left our hometown, instead opting to work at a local restaurant. The first time we “re-connected” was after randomly running into each other at aforementioned bar and we stumbled back to…his parents house. He did have his own place but his parents’ place was closer and thus I lived out my teenage dream of doin it in his childhood bedroom. I was living my seventeen year-old best life, you could say. After the first time he continued to call me and I promised to go out with him the next [...] There's more...

Reasons I’ve Broken Up with People: No. 8

8. He smelled like baby powder and it started to repulse me. Last year I wrote “Stay Single: Do Whatever You Want” and outlined one of the most ideal relationships I’ve ever had, which was basically with a guy who I was hooking up with consistently but not exclusively for just over a year. He was very attractive, and that’s what drew me to him in the first place. He was also nice and good in bed and there was exactly no drama ever between us. One of the main reasons I think I was never bothered about making the relationship even a little bit serious is because I know that when I’m deeply attracted to someone on like a base, chemical level, that they smell like honey biscuits. I’m aware how banana insane that sounds, but it is what it is. There is another smell that I’ve found to be associated with people I’m attracted to visually and compatible with sexually, but that I don’t know how to explain it except that the smell makes me sick. And that smell is baby powder. This guy smelled so strongly of baby powder that at times I thought I was going to [...] There's more...

Reasons I’ve Broken Up with People: No. 7

7. He owed/still owes me £700 So remember how I said the guy from No. 2, Sambuca Sam, would have a few reasons on this list, well he’s up again already. One of the reasons it was so infuriating that he was using my money to buy himself secret shots of Sambuca was because he already used a lot of my money and I’d had yet to see any of it again. The end of our relationship was difficult because things were getting worse and worse for him, but through no one’s fault but his own. It started when we collectively left our jobs where we worked together because of a psychopath boss who had hit me in the face in front of our entire office. True story. The beginning of the end with my boyfriend began with that slap, because my boyfriend was standing right next to me, and he did nothing. For a bit of perspective on other reactions to me being hit in the face, my best friend, aka “Lad Boy” on this blog, went ballistic. He also got extremely angry when he found out that my boyfriend did nothing. And when your best friends start to hate [...] There's more...

Reasons Why I’ve Broken Up with Someone: No. 6

6. His penis was way too big. This is one of the saddest stories ever. This man was an actual rocket. Scientist. When people say it isn’t “rocket science”…well everything was fucking rocket science (technically astrophysics) to him. Let’s call him Charles. Charles was THE NICEST GUY of all time. So nice. So shy. And just the sweetest. The first time we hung out we watched one of my favourite films, Old School, and I fell asleep halfway through and then when I woke up he was holding my hand. Okay that was kind of weird, but also kind of endearing. Charles was not a large man. He was quite slight as it were. As you’d expect an actual rocket scientist to look, really. So, it was to my immense surprise that when we finally hooked up that his penis was the size of my forearm. NO WORD OF A LIE. I’ve never looked at a penis and immediately been like, “No. Fucking. WAY.” I liked him so I gave him a handjob, but even then I was like, “HOW?! HOW IS IT SO BIG?” That was not the first time I tried to sleep with Charles. Eventually I was like, “Okay. You’re [...] There's more...

Reasons Why I’ve Broken Up with Someone: No. 5

5. His penis was too small The small penis I could have overlooked (ha jk). His lack of enthusiasm, however, I could not. Saying that I “broke up” with this person is just a euphemism for the fact that I didn’t bother to even get his number after sleeping with him because the sex was that unremarkable. This guy, let’s call him Tom, was studying English at uni and amongst a faculty full of mostly women, he stood out as tall and quite handsome. I can’t remember how we met, but he was extremely sure of himself and I like confidence in a guy so after a couple hours of chatting I was like, “Right. Back to mine.” I did make him wait in my kitchen for about ten minutes whilst I shoved all my belongings into the wardrobe in an attempt to tidy up. When he came into my room he said, “I thought you were cleaning…” and I was like dis bitch… The enthusiastic flirting from earlier didn’t really translate well into the bedroom and he seemed a bit bored to be honest. And then he took his pants of and I thought, Well…maybe there’s more to come, but [...] There's more...

Reasons I’ve Broken Up with People: No. 3

3. He took me to a really fancy Chinese place for Valentines Day and hadn’t even asked me if I like Chinese food. (I do not.) To be fair to this guy, who we’ll call Matt just for the sake of it, he met me at a terrible time. I had just been dumped by my first boyfriend and the first guy that I had ever slept with. One night I was out with some of my mates and I saw Matt and thought he was cute, so I started talking to him. He was probably one of the only guys ever not intimidated by the fact that I was always surrounded by other guys. I was on my college’s men’s rowing team at the time and even brought Matt to a boat club party where I was one of about four girls amongst forty men and he managed to charm everyone on the rowing team. At the time there weren’t a whole lot of people who knew the full story about my ex, some people didn’t even know that I had an ex, as we’d tried to keep our relationship a secret since he was on said rowing team. And was at said [...] There's more...

Reasons I’ve Broken Up with People: No. 2

2. Every time he ordered a round of drinks he’d get a shot of Sambuca and take it thinking no one noticed. I hate the smell of Sambuca. I’m just going to start off by saying, it wasn’t about the Sambuca…it was about the lying. Well, and the Sambuca, I really do hate that smell. This relationship went way too far for someone I was just casually hooking up with but then somehow ended up living with (out of boredom and curiosity if I’m totally honest). In the list of about 50 reasons now that I’ve broken up with people, he’s about five of them. This one is probably the most innocuous but gives you an idea of what kind of person he was. I started to notice this trend of him taking a shot with every round of drinks he ordered when he was angry one night. I was standing next to him as ordered the shot with the round of drinks and took it before taking the tray of pints back to our table. I kind of thought it was odd, but he was in a foul mood and I wasn’t about to press the issue. He ended up doing it [...] There's more...