Same Year, New Hoe

New hoe, who dis? I do realise how sporadic my posting has been since leaving university, but as we approach the TEN (!!) year anniversary of this blog I’ve considered what exactly to do with it. And I’ve got quite a few plans…very meticulously plotted out on this grid. Okay…I have less of a plan and more of a grid, but I’m FORMULATING a plan. 2018 was a bit of an on-fire rubbish bin for me to say the least. And whilst it was punctuated with some of the best things that have ever happened to me in my life, it was mostly awful. This last stretch of the year especially. I’m not here to delve into how I was alone on Christmas, or how I have less friends than I did in 2017, or even how eleven years after we met an ex is still managing to make me furious and upset. Nay, I am here to tell you that as I suffer through the last moments of the year that was somehow EIGHTY-FOUR YEARS LONG (exactly) that I am looking forward to 2019. I’m leaving everything in 2018 so if you have an issue with me just know [...] There's more...

Dick Pic

It may surprise some of you that until yesterday I had never in my life received a dick pic via text message, Facebook message, Twitter message, LinkedIn message, etc… I did once get an accidental risqué photo from a guy friend who was texting me and a girl he was sleeping with simultaneously. It made our conversation about the next game night awkward at first but mostly I just laughed my ass off at him for a few minutes and then we moved on.  Whilst I’ve never received a dick pic directly, I have seen an abundance of them. I can’t think of one friend who has received a dick pic and kept it to themselves, it seems. And I’m not talking just like, “here it is” kind of pictures, one of my friends had a guy who had sent her about a terabyte of  homemade porn for her and she showed me as much of it as she could before I was like, “ENOUGH!” It was an excessive amount of dick pics, and I honestly don’t even think that dicks are that great to look at in the first place so I certainly don’t want to go perusing through a camera roll full [...] There's more...

Here’s the thing…

I haven’t ever spoken about this because, well…I didn’t want to. But I saw this today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIUO9yOigp0 If you don’t feel like clicking on that, it’s a statement Ashton Kutcher makes to the US Senate about child sex trafficking. He makes it quite clear that he’s seen and heard things that are incomprehensible, which makes the the experience of these children that much more horrific. I’ve never spoken about my own abuse because it was shrouded in so much sadness and shame within my family since it was at the hands of another family member. I also never wanted anyone to equate abuse with promiscuity, but we will never know who I would’ve been if I wasn’t molested as a 3 year-old. I just want people to know that I’m proud of Ashton Kutcher’s work, and I’m not ashamed of something that happened to me without my consent. I found myself often trying to dismiss it like, “Well, it was a one off…I wasn’t hurt…I wasn’t raped…it could have been much worse…” but the reality is that it doesn’t take much to be reminded every goddamn day of my life that someone did that to me. I think about it at [...] There's more...

Resolutions

On New Years Day a friend of mine asked me when the last time I had sex was and I was like The cold hard truth was that I’d only slept with two people in the last two years and the last time was in October of 2016. There is one simple reason why…my unintentional bout of celibacy was entirely down to a lack of trying, which I decided to go out and prove. Despite the fact that I’ve made it clear over the past couple of years that it’s extremely easy to get laid, it’s like pretty much anything in life in that if you don’t try, nothing is going to happen. I’m not inundated with sexual offers from strangers every day. I’m inundated with drunk Facebook messages from exes, but they’re in England and I’m in Los Angeles so that does me exactly no good whatsoever. The thing is…when you live with other people it’s extremely inconvenient to hook up with randos. And yes I’m still bangin like it’s 2009 because I tried the whole serious monogamy thing and it just wasn’t my jam. The older I get, and the more friends I see getting divorced before 35, the [...] There's more...