1. Did you talk to SAO today?
Yes I did. She and our mutual friend slept over and then went to brunch, and then by accident got drunk again and continued by birthday party through the end of the day. This has happened before. It was a great day of eating and drinking. So much so that I decided to go through with my plan to be “Sober Until October” starting on day 14 of this 40 day challenge.
2. Anything interesting happen?
Yes. The three of us hung out on a beautiful sunny Saturday. We had some good people watching. I like hanging out with SAO because while I enjoy checking out beautiful women, she does too. Also she went to get cash at the cash point but it ate her card! I didn’t even know that was a possibility and now suspect SAO of large scale white collar crimes. I will keep an eye out on her.
We went to another bar that we both like – one which the bartenders dress like schoolgirls. Obviously the view was good. We moved on to a Belgian place and got some good beer there, while we somehow ended up talking about anal sex. Our buddy there, who I just assumed is pretty conservative when it comes to the ladies, is actually pretty kinky. Surprise!
We ended the evening having pizza and beer on top of my roof overlooking the city at sunset. Great day.
3. Learn anything new about SAO?
I learned she is less kinky than my other friend, which is surprising to me considering that she runs a sex blog.
4. Learn anything new about yourself?
I learned I have the ability to keep drinking despite being hungover. Also that I have great friends :)
5. Additional comments
Did you talk to Cal today?
I did. I woke up next to Cal and his great wall of pillows and we proceeded to talk to each other for almost the entire day.
2. Anything interesting happen?
Right before I fell asleep Cal and our friend whom I shall refer to as Charles, (or Chuck, or Charlie…whichever I feel like really…) had started watching Kung Fury and I passed out about five minutes into this thirty minute YouTube film which Chuck and Cal won’t stop raving about.
The next morning I rolled over to see Cal’s hair sticking up from behind our wall of pillows. He was slightly snoring (yeah, he snores, too) so I pulled out my phone and started looking at Tumblr before I realised that I was only wearing one of Cal’s shirts, which he must have bought at Baby Gap because it only went to my waist, and my pants. I rolled on my side to scan the floor next to the bed and spotted my dress from the night before. I looked back over my shoulder to double check that Cal was still sleeping before getting up, not really wanting to have him wake up to the sight of half of my bare arse since I almost exclusively wear french-cut bikini pants. I quickly shucked his shirt off and slipped the dress back on, hearing Chuck rustling around on his air mattress in the other room as I did so.
‘Charles,’ I called out.
‘[My name],’ he replied. Cal groaned a response and then rolled onto his back, breathing deeply through his nose as if he hadn’t been breathing for the past seven hours.
‘Morning,’ Cal said.
‘What upppp,’ I replied in a raspy morning voice, jumping back into bed.
‘Oi!’ Chuck shouted from the other room.
‘Did I snore?’ Cal asked.
‘No,’ I lied. ‘I bet I did, though…always do when I’m drunk, so, sorry about that.’
‘It wasn’t so bad,’ Cal (probably) lied.
Chuck emerged from the other room in boxers and a t-shirt. ‘I see the pillow wall worked.’
‘Keepin things platonic since ’94,’ I said.
‘I didn’t even know you in 1994,’ Cal said.
‘Calvin. Would you just…please, humour me for once.’
‘You know who was born in 1994?’ I asked, smiling.
‘I swear to God, if you say Harry St-‘
‘Harry Styles,’ I said over him as Cal broke the pillow wall to hit me with one of them. I cackled as Chuck jumped on the bed to join in.
Once they stopped, Chuck said, ‘We need to watch Kung Fury again…you missed the whole thing.’
‘Ughhhh,’ I groaned into the pillow. ‘Why do you two have such a hard-on for this stupid YouTube video?’
‘I don’t actua-‘ Cal began as Chuck said, ‘Because it’s basically a cinematic masterpiece.’ He grabbed the remote to Cal’s telly which was basically a giant computer mounted on the wall and opened YouTube.
‘Coffee?’ Cal offered.
‘Yes,’ Chuck and I said in unison as he looked for the film and I scrolled through my phone.
‘I’m going to have bullet coffee….do you want that as well or normal coffee?’
‘Yeah,’ Chuck said easily as I thought about it.
‘Sure,’ I said finally, ‘why the hell not. Let’s go crazy. Keep this party going. As Cal made the coffee and Kung Fury began my phone buzzed with a text. It was from Bully, who last I remembered, I had been arguing with about something stupid.
I made an unattractive snorting sound through my nose, but seeing as Cal and Chuck had probably both heard me snoring through the film that was currently starting again on the telly, I didn’t really care. ‘Ughhhhh,’ I groaned, rubbing my hand over my face.
‘What?’ Chuck asked as Cal entered with our coffee.
‘Bully just texted me,’ I said, tossing my phone onto the mattress.
‘Just ignore him,’ Cal said, sounding a bit annoyed. ‘He literally just likes to cause drama.’
‘Did you sleep with him?’ Chuck asked.
‘Fair assumption, but no, I did not. We made out once and he’s just generally very strange towards me.’
‘I did notice some tension at dinner,’ Chuck said, sipping his coffee.
‘Oh, fuck. That’s right. I owe him for fucking dinner.’
‘I thought you paid him back last night,’ Cal said, reemerging with his own coffee.
‘I tried to pay at the restaurant but he went and put everything on his card before asking if anyone didn’t have fucking £40 in cash on them, which I’m frankly shocked that so many people did,’
‘Cash is king,’ Chuck interrupted.
‘Then when I said I needed to go to a cash point he got all mad about me not having cash and then was like, “forget it, I’ll just pay for your dinner” and I was like, “absolutely not,” but then I kind of lost track of him and never did find a cash point so I should probably ask for his bank details.’
‘You should,’ Cal agreed.
As if he could sense what we were talking about Bully texted again reminding me that I owed him £40 and sent me his bank details.
I texted him back that I would transfer him the money then asked Cal if I should invite him to brunch.
‘Sure,’ Cal said, unbothered. So I sent him a text saying that we would be going to breakfast and that he and Bor (or whatever the hell I called him – his friend who is also a friend of Cal’s who I slept with and who Bully is only BFFF with when I’m around apparently) should come with. He said that he was still at Bor’s and said some random London neighbourhood.
(I reminded him that he just asked me for money for dinner and then in what was probably a misguided attempt at humour said, ‘I don’t even like you, why would I pay to hang out with you?’ To which he replied…)
(The entire text had everyones names all over the place but it said, ‘Polite invitation. It’s what courteous people do, Bully. You don’t see me taxiing Cal all over the place to hang out with me. Because he wants* to hang out with me. You’ve made your stance quite clear though.’…then I added an anchorman quote to try and lighten the mood, but he clearly did not get the reference. In my mind this all sounded like banter, but actually reading it back I can see that sarcasm really doesn’t translate well over text.)
I ignored his messages for awhile because I was actually pretty into Kung Fury…it’s pretty hilarious and I ended up watching it like three more times over the following week with Chuck and Cal. Amidst all this Bully sent another text that just said, ‘Don’t worry about the £40.’
I reminded him that he literally only texted me to tell me that I owed him money and Cal proved himself right once more that Bully can literally create drama out of thin air because I definitely was not expecting what he said next…
I had started replying to the fact that he hadn’t seen Kung Fury before I got to reading the second text…
‘Oh my GOD, Cal. Look at this,’ I said, trying to push my phone towards him.
‘No, I don’t want to know,’ Cal said. ‘I told you that he is like this, just pay him back and ignore him. The two of you like drama too much.’
‘I don’t like drama!’ I screeched.
‘You kind of do,’ Chuck said.
‘Whatever. My life is kind of dramatic, I’m sorry. That’s why I hang out with you guys to balance it out. Wait, no. I didn’t mean that you’re boring, I meant th-’
‘It’s fine,’ Chuck said, ‘I know what you mean.’
‘Seriously why won’t he leave me alone?’
‘Because you keep responding, you’re so easy to wind up and the two of you are just like winding each other up,’ Cal said.
‘Hmm, I do like to argue,’ I agreed.
‘An almost unnatural amount, actually.’ Cal said.
‘I can’t help it that you say things I want to argue with all the time,’ I replied.
‘You literally disagree with almost everything I say.’
‘That’s because you’re always so, SO wrong,’ I joked, getting another pillow to the head. ‘That’s right, fight back with physical strength – the only advantage you have over me.’ My phone buzzed again as I tried to hit Cal with a pillow, having totally forgot the last messages from Bully. Apparently he didn’t like being ignored because he sent me eight messages in four minutes.
I mean, I didn’t say to Cal that I was going to stop being dramatic, I just acknowledged that I am dramatic. Either way, I decided to abide by his wishes and stopped telling him about the drama. I told Bully I didn’t even know where he was so it was unlikely that we would go there for brunch but thanked him for the invitation. Then he sent me two messages, the second of which was ‘May the force be with you’ and when I didn’t reply thirty minutes later he sent the others below.
I shook my head and rolled my eyes trying to think of a conversation-ending reply because I was bored of his incessant need for attention. In the end I didn’t write anything, deciding instead to tell Chuck and Cal how wrong I was about Kung Fury and went on to quote it with Chuck the entire walk to breakfast. We went to the same place we always go to which is around the corner from Cal’s on a pretty busy street and we got the window seats since we like to people watch. We had bucks fizz and commented on pretty women walking by, dropping all talk of dramatic boys.
3. Learn anything new about Cal?
He’s never done anal. Our friend Chuck on the other hand proved to be quite the dark horse. He’s kind of a quiet engineering type until you get to know him, then oh man, the stories he tells…
4. Learn anything new about yourself?
I don’t think I have any interest in doing anal.
5. Additional comments
Our lunchtime conversation in a nearly empty restaurant was almost exclusively about anal and I think the bartenders were pretty entertained. All in all, I eventually wrote Bully back, firstly addressing his request that I give Cal a wedgie…
He wrote something back which I ignored and aside from the fiscal transaction later, I haven’t spoken to him since.
Oh, and go watch Kung Fury