40 Days of Friendship – Day 17: Hand-Js





1. Did you talk to SAO today?

Mucho texting. SAO is bored at her job and already mentally in her new job even though that’s 2 months away.

2. Anything interesting happen? 

I started taking a programming course online! I’m a student again! 

I am reading the Magic of Thinking Big and per the book asked SAO her opinion of my top assets. Here is what she said, many nice compliments:

You’re a very patient and calm listener and make good assessments of difficult situations

Like you take in all the information without interrupting and calculate a response 

You’re not reactive, you think things through 

You’re not quick to judge 

You’re actually not really judgmental at all

And you’re super duper nice. That’s your best asset. Along with your ass

3. Learn anything new about SAO?

She actually is interested in learning the language where she’s going! I told her the most important words are wine, pizza, coffee, and beer.

I learned that she is attracted to gingers. Ew.

4. Learn anything new about yourself?

While I was showing SAO photos of a trip I went on recently, I compared my most recent photo of myself  on holiday to a photo of myself at in the same place in 2005 – I haven’t aged that much! High five! Self esteem higher after today.

5. Additional comments

According to SAO I have “man strength” because I’m older than 25.


1. Did you talk to Cal today?


2. Anything interesting happen? 

We discussed nutrition a lot. And handjobs. But not in great detail. I think that giving handjobs is pretty useless. A guy can probably do that way better than I could. Although, the last time I did it the guy said I was very good at it, so that could go on my gravestone. 

3. Learn anything new about Cal?

Cal thinks that he needs to lose what I deem to be a significant amount of weight and I think that he doesn’t need to lose that much if he just wants to look good since he’s already looking quite handsome if I may say so myself. But we talked about if he just wanted to be in better shape what a good approach would be. Unfortunately all approaches to dieting and exercise typically include cutting out alcohol, which we’ve already done, but is still boring nonetheless. 

Talking about looks and dieting with guys isn’t new for me, most of my guy friends talk about it and are just as insecure as women about things like that (if not more so in some cases). I think it sometimes surprises other women though to know just how much guys care.  

4. Learn anything new about yourself?

That I wouldn’t mind being remembered for giving great hand-jobs were I to suddenly die. Not a terrible way to be remembered. In fact, if I were to die I think that I’d want everyone at my funeral to give wildly conflicting stories about who I was as a person. The only consistent fact should be that I love dogs.

I said something like that to my mum recently and I think that she genuinely believes that there’s something wrong with me. I’m just like, ‘¯\_(ツ)_/¯ …you’re the one who raised me.’  

To be completely fair, though…my sarcasm doesn’t always translate well (like that last sentence for example is completely sarcastic). But I totally mean what I said about my funeral. Also, I am more upset if a dog doesn’t like me than if a person doesn’t, which is another thing that set my mum off a couple of weeks ago. She thinks that’s very strange, but I think it’s very reasonable. People can form opinions based on a whole number of things, dogs just go off of instinct. I like to be someone that dogs instinctively trust and like. This ultimately led to an argument about how I do not care what anyone thinks about me, because I genuinely am proud of the fact that I have gotten to a point in my life where my own opinion of myself (and the opinions of dogs) is really what I base my self-worth off of. My mum took this to mean that I don’t care what she thinks about me, and I said, ‘I care if I am doing something to hurt you or someone else, but really, I do not care what anyone thinks about me or my decisions in life.’ That didn’t really help, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, especially since my mum and I aren’t fighting anymore, and it’s legitimately how I feel. I think my mum is realising that I’m a very different person than I was when I left for uni and she admitted that she’s sometimes frustrated because she doesn’t think she knows me anymore, which is part of the reason why I told her about the blog so she’d get a better idea of who I am as a person. Ultimately it really helped I think since she’s always asking me when I’m going to properly write something and seeing that I was listed as one of the top bloggers in The Times back in the day got her off my back a bit. 

5. Additional comments 

Long hair, don’t care. EXCEPT about typos. Hate typos. 

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I asked him if he had any more trouble with the rapey urban foxes around his part of London

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Here’s the link again in case you didn’t bother watching it yesterday. Which you totally should…go. Watch it again if you have to. https://www.facebook.com/ehbeefamily/videos/965704966837591?_rdr=p

Then I started talking about the other thing I totally lost my shit over:

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Cal then sent me a photo of his dog making a very sassy and judgmental face.


Cal sent me an article about the cafe we go to every Saturday for hungover brunch and they apparently have been shortlisted for the best burger in London. 

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After Cal sent me some before and after photos of him in 2005 and now I told him he’s looking good.

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Sidenote: Cal literally makes me go to Banana Republic either in Sloane Square or Canary Wharf with him monthly to get the same GD black shirt he always wears. He has a lifetime supply of the same outfit from there. He even has two pairs of sunglasses from there. The man is prepared to look like a hot dad for life. 

We went on to discussing previous weights and discussed my days of aggressive anorexia and I told him how I use to weigh 51 kg and that I don’t think I’d ever want to be that weight again intentionally. 


(Sidenote: I did write about this a couple of years ago – Disordered Eating – and I still speak to some people who reached out after reading it. I am always here to speak with anyone struggling with this kind of thing or if you are worried about someone else, so my inbox is always open x)
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We started talking about how I left my old job and started contracting so that I didn’t have to be tied to any one place indefinitely, but that I still wanted to get out of London for a bit.

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We started talking about other countries to live in and got in a pretty heated debate about America. He doesn’t understand why I refuse to consider moving there and I don’t understand how anyone would want to be in a country that is seriously considering electing Donald Trump as their president. 


To avoid our typical stalemate argument Cal sent me this video about hipsters who don’t work 

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I ended up watching the end of the video which, to be fair, was pretty funny. Then I got distracted by my own good looks. 



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Cal’s aunt is in town so we started talking about his family and I told him that all of them are very attractive. Especially the dog.


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I sent him what my trainer has me do which is basically just walking on a treadmill at max incline at 3 MPH for an hour to ninety minutes. I use to do it for 100 minutes because I liked watching the minutes on the treadmill go from 99 to 0 and also because I’m an OCD freak. But now…

ALSO, someone recently asked me if this is going anywhere and if I have a plan for a plot to this or something and all I can say is…

This is 40 Days of FRIENDSHIP not 40 Days of Bangin Cal. Sex does eventually happen with other people, but I’m sorry for the deceptive title of this blog if you’ve only come here to read about my horizontal shenanigans. This is literally it. Like, interesting things happen to both of us and we party and drink a lot very soon once we realised being sober sucks, but other than platonically sharing a bed again, there isn’t any funny business. Which I declared from the start, so yeah. Mission accomplished on the friendship thing. We talk about sex a lot in the last 20 days…probably because neither of us were having it regularly.

And, for now

What are you thinking?