Cheated

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Since I previously used She Hulk as an example of my kind of temper, I think it’s only appropriate to continue the theme.
In what can only be described as the biggest kick in the arse from karma ever, I have been cheated on. And in what was perhaps the most childish reaction possible, I partook in some retaliation cheating myself.
Me, retaliating.
There are a few different types of cheaters:
1. Cheaters who confess. I call these ones selfish. Unless there’s an infection involved, if you want to keep your relationship in tact it’s probably best to not kiss and tell.
2. Cheaters who care nothing about the person they cheat with, think nothing more of it than a drunken snog/shag, and do not tell their partner about it.
3. Cheaters who are caught.
There are different types of people that the cheaters cheat with as well:
1. Randoms that they will probably never speak to again.
2. Friends who they will probably speak to again. And with whom they’ve probably been having some sort of emotional affair with anyhow.
3. A second girlfriend or boyfriend that they have been hiding from you.
Grey is a #1 Cheater who cheated with a #2 Cheatee.
I am a #2 Cheater who cheated with at #1 Cheatee.
When I say “cheat” I do not mean in the typical SAO type of hookup, as I merely snogged a boy I met out in town with friends. Grey, to his credit, did not sleep with someone else. He and Cat kissed. I told you that bitch was up to no good. My suspicions were correct. As I knew, she liked Grey, and all it took was her getting him drunk enough to make some bad decisions. My irrational anger doesn’t seem so irrational in hindsight.
Me and Cat … in a fantasy-like scenario.
When the news was dropped on me like a ton of bricks I was livid. I told Dr. Boy and he offered to take me out for drinks which would have probably ended up in retaliation sex but I decided against that and instead made Grey come see me. While I waited for him to show up I drank a bottle of wine and wrote out all sorts of relationship-ending insults which I would never have been forgiven for and then threw them away. By the time Grey showed up I was over the worst of the anger.
Me, rationally answering the door.
We talked things through and I think the worst thing I said was, “Are you trying to get me to break up with you?” He wasn’t. And he apologised endlessly.
Although I forgave Grey, it was last night that I realised that I was still quite angry about the entire situation. If you read ‘Cat Fight’ and ‘It’s Not Me, It’s Her’ you’ll see that I tried to make endless excuses for Cat. I’m not sure just how to say this without sounding like a complete bitch, but if you put us side by side it’s like Sienna Miller versus Daisy Wright (the ugly nanny Jude Law cheated on Sienna with for anyone who’s been living under a rock for the past decade). But a fatter and uglier Daisy. I think I was more insulted that Grey didn’t at least kiss someone who was prettier than I am. That I could understand. I suppose it reminded me of Dill and myself, and knowing what Dill said to me and how I felt about Dill made me feel even worse for Dill’s girlfriend and made me hate Cat even more since I know exactly what she’s trying to do because I’ve done it myself.
I sound like a complete hypocrite. And I hate that as well. Grey has not only made me feel bad about being cheated on, but he’s made me feel even worse about what I’ve done to poor Dill’s girlfriend. Even though I’m confident she knows nothing. I envy her a bit for that. Grey asked if I would have rather him not tell me and I couldn’t answer the question. Would him concealing it make him prone to doing it again? Did him telling me make things unbearably worse? Considering it drove me to revert to my morally-casual ways, maybe it did. Having now done that however, I am confident that I am preferring my life with Grey to my life without him.
Which is why I am confident that I will remain a #2 Cheater. I have no desire nor need to tell Grey about what I did, and am still not sure if I am pleased that he told me about what he did. I’m obviously not pleased that he did it, but the one friend I told about the situation said, ‘The fact that he told you and apologised so much means he really cares about you!’ Actually, if he really cared about me he wouldn’t have cheated on me … Still, oddly enough I think the conversations which came from the cheating helped things. Me cheating (kissing) did not help things so I think I’ll avoid that in the future. 
Me, being okay with things.

17 Responses to “Cheated”

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  1. Phoebe says:

    >Firstly, I love love love the use of pictures and how they fit so well with the theme of the post.

    Secondly, what a horrible post to have to write about. With you writing about so many cheaters, I’m doubtful that there are any nice men out there who would be faithful!! I’m a cynic myself, so I’m always curious whenever my boyfriend goes out for too long/doesn’t call. But you can’t watch over them all day, can you, you just have to have faith and trust them, but that gets broken so quickly once you’re cheated on by them.

    Thirdly, I cannot believe Grey and Cat kissed, she’s a really nasty piece of work. I know it’s hard to be infatuated and not be liked back, but she should know he’s off limits and be a good friend and not lead him on, taking advantage of him when his judgement was a little of, but it is really sad he did that to you :(. I always think its worse when they know the person, an emotional affair, because it’s kind of like for them it was inevitably going to happen and thus hurts people along the way. You’re very good at reading people as your suspicions about her were correct.

    Awwww Dr Boy is such a good friend, Oxy, but having retaliation sex would have made the situation a whole lot worse. I smiled at the part where you wrote lots of relationship ending insults, it seems that writing stuff down is just as therapeutic as saying them but doesn’t harm the other person but gets it off your chest.

    It’s such a coincidence you’re in Dill’s ex-gf position and seeing how she must have felt just a few months ahead from when this happened. I always think its tough when you/the other friend likes you more than they/you do, it’s just burning sexual tension.

    You do sound like a bit of a hypocrite, but I think this has shown you how your actions must have affected Dill’s girlfriend and luckily she didn’t find out, her heartache would have been much worse.

    I wholeheartedly agree with you that some things are best left unsaid, so being a cheater1 is best. If you’re not meant for each other, you’ll end in time without hurting the other person even more; all revealing the horrible truth does it make you overly cautious and cynical about your partner. It’s hard for you two to move on though with Cat still in the picture. I think she’s probably cheering with that little success she had with Grey and most likely sees he is willing to do that if drunk enough. I really hope things work out for you two and that you’re better than ever :D

    Love Phoebe xxx

    I’m so sorry this is so long, I will try and cut down next time, I swear :D

  2. Anonymous says:

    >Chin up

  3. Lady V says:

    >Has Cat remained a true pussy and steered clear of you?

  4. Anonymous says:

    >Mistakes can happen. He likes you, and trusts you and wants you to trust him.

    I once had to tell a friend of mine that he'd snogged someone at a party the night before, he was so drunk he didn't remember – and he was absolutely devastated, and told his girlfriend right away (she didn't see it as a big deal).

    The alternative to him telling you was not telling you – but potentially you hearing in other ways (if Cat is as manipulative as she sounds, possibly she'd have great joy in telling you to try to split you up). He made a mistake – and I suspect is so mortified that he won't trust her again.

    Have you never done something that you later realised was a really bad idea? You spend enough time with someone and they'll do something that pisses you off – but that doesn't mean you should throw away the good times.

    You've got a month of holiday left. Go away with him for a few days and have time just the two of you. The long holidays are the hardest time on relationships I found.

  5. Kate says:

    >OMG! I can't believe Grey and Cat kissed! I hope Grey really meant his apology. I can't imagine what you're going through. I hope all will be good.

    Best wishes,

    xoxo Kate

  6. Anonymous says:

    >wow

  7. Raz says:

    >I love your blog!

    Thanks for brightening my day…

  8. "Pink Bear" says:

    >Stab her?
    I'm sorry he cheated on you. I've been on both ends of the spectrum so I know how you're feeling. You'll be alright, I hope you can forgive him. x

  9. Anonymous says:

    >Once a cheat, always a cheat, save the heart ache and bin him now…..

  10. Jessica Alice says:

    >"While I waited for him to show up I drank a bottle of wine and wrote out all sorts of relationship-ending insults"

    I love this. Once I had a row with my boyfriend and was so upset/angry/hormonal I drank an entire bottle of gin and wrote a list of things I didn't like about him. Thanks for making me feel more human and less crazy.

  11. Jane for now says:

    >I wouldn't call telling the truth selfish. I see the point about not spoiling a good thnig, if you're happy why mess things up and all. On the other hand though you had suspicions about Cat, he probably isn't stupid and knew you were working hard at seeing her in a good light…At least now (now he's told you, not now he's cheated) you know you aren't being crazy and have every right not to sound happy if they're hanging out.
    I dunno, call me old fashioned but I'm an anal tell the truth girl. Must be unpleasant for you all at the moment, hope things work out xx Jane

  12. Mister M says:

    >If I was Grey I would have said I only snogged Cat too, even if I'd rogered her senseless……..

    …….how do you know he's being honest?

  13. Anonymous says:

    >2 b honest u r the reason I joined Twitter, I was fascinated by the frenzy surrounding your digital birth! Keep it up! (innuendo intended) x

  14. Anonymous says:

    >To put it simply, this relationship isn't going to work. Anyone cheating on anyone is never a good foundation for it. Whether he really regrets it or not is not the point.

    He did it in the first place, you've done it back and don't plan on telling him. Mistrust and lies between you at this early stage does not bode well.

    Move on, it's less stressful that way because there will be other Cats that cross his path. It just means bad luck for you.

  15. Curious Yellow says:

    >Relationships at university are usually transitionary anyway so I doubt she is going to be massively cut up about this if she can be honest about her feelings for this boy.

    If she is serious about this boy then things could still work if she can honestly forgive him for what he's done.

    Personally I'd bail, but that's just me. I don't believe the once a cheater always a cheater line, but I don't cheat and loyalty is the least I expect from a boy/girlfriend.

  16. snarl says:

    >sorry darling but you cheated on him. that makes you no better than he. in fact you're not going to tell him. that makes it worse actually.

    ive been cheated on. its bloody unpleasant. youve experienced both, i hope you never inflict that pain now you've experienced that pain yourself.

  17. Anonymous says:

    >"2. Friends who they will probably speak to again. And with whom they’ve probably been having some sort of emotional affair with anyhow."

    That's so true. It's been my downfall.

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