Ex-cess Baggage

The weeks which are the prelude to exams are often filled with massive amounts of tension and stress. I deal with this kind of stress by obsessively organising and simplifying every aspect of my life. I cleaned my room, going through all of my possessions and taking everything I didn’t need or use to Oxfam. I went through all of my course notes for each paper, putting everything into relevant and chronological sections for potential exam essays. However, arguably the most important of my organising before things get too hectic, has been when it comes to my relationships, mainly the re-evaluation and purging of unnecessary ones.
There are few people in my life that I don’t get on with for whatever reason, but there seem to be quite a few people in my life that I pretty much just tolerate without really enjoying their company. I’ll chat to them if they happen to be in the room, but I’d never seek these people out for a cheeky pub session or to catch up or lament my troubles to. I’d say they’re sub-acquaintances. Everyone knows people like this. You’d probably never even speak to them if it weren’t for mutual friends, living conditions, or in my case sometimes, the fact that you’ve slept with them. Or in my case this time, that I dated them for nearly half a year. Specifically, Grey.
‘Hey, can I come and borrow that book?’ I said over the phone to Grey, referring to a book I needed for my course.
‘Sure, when?’
‘Are you in college now?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Great, because I’m outside.’
‘Ok, I’ll come down and open the gate.’
‘No need to do that, I’m through the gate and walking towards your room.’
‘How are you through the gate?’
‘I used the code for the door. It’s stored in my phone.’
‘Right.’ He said slowly.
‘See you in a moment.’
‘Okay …’
I walked through his college and to where his room was to find him standing outside with the book. ‘Here you are.’
‘Ta, is it alright if I give it back to you at the end of the week?’
‘Yeah, no rush.’
‘Great, thanks. I’ve got to run, late for a revision session.’
‘It’s almost nine pm.’
‘So?’
‘Never mind.’
‘I’ll see you later.’
‘Bye.’ He said in his typical morose fashion.
I made my way back out of his college and through the side door which I had come in through. I got on my bike and as I cycled off my phone buzzed in my jacket pocket. I ignored it and continued furiously cycling through town, late as always. Once I arrived at the college of the girl on my course whom I was studying with that evening, I locked my bike and pulled out my phone as I walked towards the porter’s lodge.
Can you please delete the code to my college door from your phone?
I frowned. ‘You’ve got to be kidding.’ I whispered to myself, shaking my head and rolling my eyes before walking into the college. Before arriving at the library I stopped to write him back.
Okay, paranoid pants. It’s not as if I’m breaking into your college every day to stalk you, but whatever I’ll delete it.
I rolled my eyes again and exhaled deeply. This was really the last thing I needed at the moment. My phone buzzed again almost immediately.
It’s not like it isn’t weird that you still have it stored in your phone to use whenever you like.
He was always stupidly ridiculous about some things. This being one of them.
‘Ugh!’ I said through gritted teeth before quickly replying. What ensued was a three minute text war that went as such:
Fine Grey, I’ve deleted it. I’ll put the book back in your pigeon hole tomorrow.
I don’t care about the book.
Well, I don’t need it anymore.
Stop acting like a child. My request wasn’t unreasonable.
Don’t worry about it. And don’t worry, I’ll stop coming to you for favours as well. Thanks a lot for the help with the book and sorry I forgot about a random note with your door code in it on my phone.
Well you clearly didn’t forget about the code, did you?
It was stored in my phone and until I actually had a use for it today I had forgotten, yes. But I’m so glad that on top of all of this you are now calling me a liar.
Grow up.
Oh! Oh, now it was time for me to really calculate what kind of relationship ending comment I was going to unleash at him so that I could end this fucking childish banter and get on with my revision. Me grow up? He was the one freaking out about a door code. I could have just as easily gone through the porter’s lodge, but the other door was much closer to me, and to his room as well. I paced in front of the library thinking of what to say. “No, you grow up!” would just sort of emphasise his point about me being childish. Then again, would any response be childish? In case you hadn’t noticed, I have to have the last word, and the last word with Grey was this:
A friendship between us was clearly never going to work, so why don’t I just return this book to you and we can call it quits?
No reply. Good! Leave. Me. Alone. I went on to have a very stress-free revision session, and later in the day felt quite good about finally cutting ties with that absolute arsehole. There are other elements to the story which aren’t exactly worth repeating, but it involves his continued friendship with the girl he cheated on me with. However, I have decided to be like the honey badger and just not care.
After some heavy revising I made it back to my college just before final orders in the bar and ordered a glass of wine. Al was at the bar.
‘Are you alright, mate?’ Generally I don’t like being called ‘mate’ by people whom I’ve slept with, but for some reason I didn’t mind with Al.
‘I’m good, yes.’
‘You look good.’ I laughed while frowning a bit. ‘I mean, you look happier!’ He said, elaborating.
‘I am happier.’
‘I’m glad.’
‘I’m quite happy actually.’
‘Good.’
‘I think I’ve lost some weight as well from all the running I’m doing.’
‘I was going to say you look slimmer, but honestly you don’t need to lose weight. I do.’
I laughed, ‘Hardly. You’ve been running as well haven’t you?’
‘I have.’
‘Your face looks slimmer.’
‘Really?’ He asked seriously.
‘Really.’ I said, laughing.
‘So everything’s okay? Not still upset about Dale?’
‘No, not at all. All of that is behind me.’
‘I think the two of you should work things out.’
I frowned. ‘Why?’
‘Well because you obviously liked each other and were friends, so it seems sad that you don’t even speak to each other.’
‘I tried to speak to him!’ I said, suddenly getting irritated.
‘I know, I mean I know from both sides what’s happened.’
‘What do you mean? What has he said?’
‘Well, I don’t want to go into it.’
‘Well, neither do I. You’re the one who brought it up!’
‘I know, I know. I’m just saying … you guys should try and … make things better.’
‘That is so not going to happen right now.’
‘I don’t want to get in the middle of it.’
‘Sorry, mate, you are right in the middle of this. But let’s just drop it.’
‘Okay.’
And then we proceeded to have a lovely conversation about nothing exciting or special, but Al makes me laugh and is always somewhat of a comforting presence for whatever reason.
Lady Gaga once said, ‘Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.’ There’s something to be said for being selfish and putting what you want above anything else. Having spent the last few weeks with the sole purpose of taking care of myself, I am so much healthier and happier. I may be quite stressed about my degree, but at least my life has gone back to revolving around me, and not a boy or a relationship.
PS: If you don’t know about the honey badger, watch this video.

15 Responses to “Ex-cess Baggage”

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  1. Olive says:

    >I think we should all strive to be more like the honey badger. What a dude.

    Love that you're back on fine SAO form. Can't wait to read about the post-exam blow-out. Am in the middle of mine and CANNOT WAIT until next week when I can have fun again!

  2. Phoebe says:

    >Hey SAO!

    I've been so busy recently, but I've just read your last post and this post and obviously I loved them both as per usual :)

    Firstly, honeybadgers are freaking amazing animals. They're incredibly fearless and every animal is scared of them, so very fitting to this post :P

    I cannot believe Grey initiated an argument over a door code. I had to reread how pathetic he was being wanting you to delete it as if you're going to break in and force him to do something obscene to him! What a nutter. I cannot believe he told you to grow up and called you a liar after something he started about a door code. He strikes me as very bipolar. One minute he's all about helping you, seeking you out, making sure you were okay after Dale, next he's acting like you're not worthy of his time or prescene.

    I guess you can either get annoyed or see the stupid side of how sad he was being.

    I love how you began this post about how we divide our friends/aquaintances because it's true, there are some people that are just there and if not for some reasons, we wouldn't talk to them. I love how you put a different spin on each post :)

    Lady Gaga speaks the truth, SAO! It is so good you are focusing back on yourself instead of being all consumed by a boyfriend. You just need some special and uncomplicated you time to do what you want without any ties or strings attached. Enjoy the freedom you have and the less stress of having a relationship, you deserve the absolute best :)

    Loved this post, SAO, keep them coming! Hope your exams are going well so far.

    Love, Phoebe xx

  3. Anonymous says:

    >Your conclusion to this post strikes me as one that Dale may have come to himself before he decided to end things between you…
    Wholeheartedly agree with the conclusion none the less.

  4. Rhi says:

    >The 'sub-acquaintance' concept is so true, and definitely describes some of the people in my life. I'm glad to hear things are looking up, and good luck on your exams!

  5. Anonymous says:

    >Sorry to have disagree with both you and "Phoebe", but I think you very much over-reacted to what Grey said to you. For someone you are no longer dating and are now no more than friends with, it seems reasonable to suggest that the trust in that relationship is extremely diminished.
    Therefore it is reasonable to think that he doesn't want you to have access to him or his life any more. Let's be honest, he knew you weren't using it "everyday to stalk him" so to then get catty about giving the book back is just cutting your nose off to spite your face.
    It does seem that you enjoy arguing just for the sake of it, and that you always have to win, even when there seems to be no purpose to it.
    I appreciate that you may see this comment and decide not to post it, but I felt I had to add that from my perspective (Maybe I'm supporting Grey just becuase I'm male) it seemed like he had an entirely legitamate and plausble reasoning for what he asked you, to which you severely over reacted.

  6. Jessi says:

    >Anonymous, while I can see your point I'm going to have to disagree: Grey doesn't own the college he lives in, nor does he rent it out in its entirety. If he had some sort of code on his bedroom (which he rents) door that SaO had access to, then I could see your point about him not wanting her to have access to him. But she doesn't. She has the main communal door code, which several hundred other students also have. What if Grey had fallen out with one of them? Would they have to move out of their own college so that they couldn't "have access" to Grey any more? Also, like it or not, if she wanted to, she could stalk him pretty easily by going via the Porter's Lodge and being let in without the need for a door code. As a student, she has basically as much right to be there as he does.

  7. Caped_Crusader says:

    >We often discover ourselves through other people and who and why we attract at different stages in our lives. It sounds like you’ve moved on whereas that passive aggressive control freak or, as DelBoy would characterise him, “[Petty] Plonker”, remains bitter. You’re right to discard any unwelcome relic from your past, and we could all do with clearing our clutter. Begin with the end in mind and remain focused on yourself and your exams: picture yourself with a First in one hand and a bottle of bubbly in the other toasting your efforts. I’ll drink to that!! xx

  8. B says:

    >I hope you make like the Honey Badger in response to the anonymous comment ^…

    Why is it that women are always 'overreacting' when defending themselves against male fuckwittery?

    PS. I am new to this blog and I very much enjoy…

  9. Anonymous says:

    >Honey Badger……you could use that as a nickname for some of lifes more pushy characters, they used to drive BMW's and wear braces IG

  10. Anonymous says:

    >Really enjoy the blog!

    Despite what an ass you think Grey is, I think that what he asked was reasonable. And personally, I almost like the boy's character. He's the one that can actually get you worked up, and is defiant in comparison to the many of your other male friends who, albeit very sweet, are overly flattering? Sometimes you just need a smarmy git in your life.

  11. Nymphy C xx says:

    >I can totally relate to what you're going through with having (or trying to at least) juggle your personal life and uni all at the same time! And like you, I too put myself first and it's not selfish at all because at the end of the day you'll only ever have yourself to depend on. That, and you're working too hard at uni to let it all go to waste on some 'dude' or a relationship.

    All the best with your exams hun xx

  12. By no means says:

    >Great post!

  13. Anonymous says:

    >You're such a fucking drama queen.

  14. Anonymous says:

    >better impose a super-injunction soon, you're about to be discovered! ooh la la

  15. Anonymous says:

    >As a female, I think you over-reacted. He was justified.

    I'm only here as someone linked me here from here: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1659909&page=4

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