The Spectator Article

**I wrote this for the magazine The Spectator and they may or may not have ever published it, but they’ve given me permission to publish it on the blog, so enjoy** They say that your musical and cultural tastes are frozen by the time you’re in your early twenties, but what about your sexual tastes? Are you ever too old to experiment? Even though I am still in my early twenties, I feel as if my sexual taste is probably going to be frozen in its current state forever, because I like my sex how I like my trains: frequent. What is bound to change as I grow older is the frequency with which I change partners, and the maturity of those partners. Having slept with men from various degrees of the age spectrum, I think I am in my prime when it comes to the options I have with whom I wish to sleep with. Meaning, everyone past their teens and before retirement. What concerns me a bit is that who’s to say that once I’m older that my taste in men will have caught up with my age? What if I find myself fifty and still attracted to twenty [...] There's more...

The Rebound(s)

“How are you feeling my darling?” “I’m okay. Still kind of sad.” “I thought about this after you told me the other day, and there is something wrong in that boy’s head. It is his loss.” The owner of my local kebab shop finalised his statement by placing his hands around his wide waist and nodding his head as if to say that was the final word on the matter. “Here you are my darling,” he said in his strong accent as he handed me an order of chips. I sighed, watching the grease and vinegar seep through the paper. “I know.” Most people probably don’t go to a middle aged kebab shop owner for therapy, but over the course of my time in uni I’ve come to know him well. I rarely eat anything from the kebab shop, but having been dragged there by college mates on nights out, I’ve always ended up talking to the owner. He has the kind of smile that could cheer anyone up and he tells great stories, so I’ve made a habit of stopping to say hello every time I see him working. “Don’t be sad. It is his loss. He is a [...] There's more...

Freshers Week Survival Guide

Ah, October. When the fresh and brightest faces appear in Oxbridge. The excited last minute shopping sprees with the parents to put the last bits of furnishings around the room. The disappointment when you realise your room is a glorified cupboard, or the shock and awe of a palatial penthouse suite for the lucky few. Freshers Week is exciting for any Oxbridge student, new or old. It’s a time before responsibility hits and when we can hop on the Lashional Express and make some bad decisions. Having passed my share of Freshers Weeks with flying colours, I can outline a few guidelines, or warnings if you will. This is mainly aimed at the freshers, as most seasoned veterans have most likely made or seen these mistakes. But first, a disclaimer for the parents: My dear Mum and Dad picked up a university newspaper when they were first leaving me all on my lonesome to discover the wonders of the Oxbridge. To their shock and horror it made the university seem like nothing more than a drinking society with a studying problem. I assure you, your children are in competent hands. For the less competent freshers though: 1. Don’t be THAT [...] There's more...

Let Me Entertain You

I woke up with that song stuck in my head today. Despite some fabulous and not-so-fabulous solo work, I am so happy that RW is back with Take That. Moving on, I’ve thought about why it is that I continue to write this blog and I think it’s mainly to entertain myself. Especially during the long summer days stuck at home. The posts may be sporadic, but most things in my life are. I enjoy the feedback from the blog, which is primarily good, with the occasional ‘You are a boring bitch’ comment, which I then reject in my Comment Moderation section. I even like those comments though, because it’s always beyond me why someone would take the time to get through an entire post which they are clearly not enjoying, think, ‘I really don’t like this’ and then take the extra time on said post to write some random insult that will never be published. Silly. Just google something else to read. A lot of people are too interested in what they want. Myself included. Usually what I want is to write funny stories about whatever it is that has happened in the recent past. I want everybody to [...] There's more...

The Sexth Sense

I was in the toilets of a club last night, standing at the sinks and giving myself a quick look-over in the mirror when a girl walked in and pushed a cubicle door open, accidentally hitting whoever was slouched on the ground and hugging the toilet for dear life. Having had no idea anyone else was even in the toilets at the time, I was equally as startled as the girl who barged in on this girl taking a nap in the loo. “Oh! Sorry! … Sarah? Is that you?” “Yeah …” Sarah said, her voice echoing through the porcelain. “Are you alright babes?” Now, I don’t know these girls. But it was clear to me that Sarah was obviously not alright. “Yeah,” Sarah lied. “Do you want some water babes?” “Uh huh.” Now, this idiot friend walked to the sink, downed her VK, poured some water into the somewhat empty bottle, then brought it to Sick Sarah. Great, that’s just what she wants, alcohol-scented water. “Here, now don’t spill it.” Right, yeah make sure you don’t spill water on yourself, because then you’d really look ridiculous. I heard the bottle hit the floor. Guess she’d be looking slightly more [...] There's more...

To Love One’s Self

“To love one’s self is the beginning of a life-long romance.” – Oscar Wilde I don’t like to sleep with the men I date. Rather, I like to engage in date-like situations with friend and then go off to sleep with a fuck buddy. It’s much less complicated than a relationship and it keeps things simple. I had an ideal night about two weeks ago: 6:30 pm Cycling home from the library I realised I was hungry and lack of food in the fridge meant that I’d have to go shopping. Option B was to just duck into a pub to grab a bite. 6:35 I’m in a pub alone. Walking in to a room mostly dominated by men is always a self-esteem booster as most of them will stare a bit, some smile, a couple may even say hello as you walk by. The gestures are always returned with a smile, or if they’re cute, a return “hello.” 6:37 Order a pint of Aspall and the soup of the day. Go find a well-lit corner to sit and read in while I wait for my food. 6:45 Food comes, but am now writing about sex so I push the [...] There's more...