I am not sure why, but my entire life has consisted of multiple abusive relationships that I’ve crawled my way out of, separated by periods of peace. The cyclical nature of these relationships never cease to catch me off guard, but unfortunately I have found myself in the crawling period phase right now after thinking that I would never be in this kind of situation ever again.
The fact that the sporadic abuse by few individuals has not resulted in me not trusting any individuals is how this continues to happen, and while I feel stupid for being trapped again, I cannot bring myself to judge everyone for the actions of such a minority of people in my life.
The first instance of abuse in my life is not one I wish to discuss publicly. The second was when my boss physically abused me in the workplace by hitting me in front of the entire office, and while I won a case against him that was drawn out over three years, he immediately fled the country upon learning that he was required to pay me £120,000 for wages lost and emotional damages. I haven’t seen a pence of it, but at least he’s hopefully learned that hitting people is an expensive mistake.
I had a boyfriend who wasn’t physically abusive but who was a sociopath that convinced me to lend him a significant amount of money that I have never been paid back for. At the time I didn’t think twice about helping someone I loved but once our relationship began to deteriorate I knew I’d never see that money again.
What makes my current situation ironic and confusing is that I was lied to by a fan. I’ve met a lot of people through my blog, but none of whom were this destructive to my life. It has been pointed out by people who have reviewed the situation that this man was trying to lure me into a situation in which I would be entirely dependent on him. I previously posted that I was starting my own company and when I stated that I was looking for investors this person promised and provided what seemed like convincing evidence that they were going to help me cover the costs of the startup. While I ignored many things that were like, “Hi, I’m a red flag!” I simultaneously gave this person the benefit of the doubt until it was too late.
While I feel completely stupid for what I’ve done, which is trust that this person was going to make good on their promise to invest in my company while I continued to pay off other debts like rent and student loans, it’s done. It has happened and at the moment I am totally screwed.
As I previously stated I needed £5000 to start the company I still intend on starting. The situation gets entirely more dire with certain details that I can’t share for the sake of anonymity, but it’s fair to say that I am in a storm of fuck. This person essentially convinced me to invest in other projects in order to bankrupt me and make me dependent on them. Not only have their actions caused me to not be able to carry out certain deals such as putting my three books which are in the works into actual print as opposed to just ebooks, but it has also cost me about £200 in banking fees in the past five days alone for me prematurely paying things off and then direct debits going out at the beginning of the month and then putting my account in defecit. So this mistake has not only ruined potential projects but actually cost me a significant amount of money.
I understand that it isn’t fair for me to try and pass my fuck ups onto others, but if you are able to help me even a little bit it would be incredibly appreciated. Literally every pound will help at this point while I try to figure out what the fuck I’m going to do and hopefully not be evicted from my flat in the meantime.
If you’d wish to donate via PayPal you can do so here: paypal.me/SexAtOxbridge
Or if you’d wish to donate anonymously you can do so via GoFundMe here: gofund.me/3asmq92s
Literally every pound and word of support helps, so even if you can only give £1 or even just a high five that will make things better.
Thanks for listening and I’m sorry for getting myself into this situation that I have now dragged everyone into with me as well xx