Oh, Bother

Relationships can be great. They can also be horrendous. My relationship with Grey has been wavering in and out of the latter.

I won’t lie to you, as it really is of no use. You don’t know me. I don’t know you. So where else can I be completely honest about things? I am absolutely miserable. When I told Grey I forgave him, that was pretty honest. Saying that I would ever trust him again was another issue entirely. As I’ve told you, I’ve been cheated on. As in proper, entirely second relationship happening behind my back, cheated on. People had warned me about The Ex, I knew what I was getting myself into. Grey was something different. He was sweet, kind, the kind of boyfriend you’d see in some cheesy film. Obviously from experience I know that men cheat. Mainly because they’re either cheating with me or trying to cheat with me, or telling me about their cheating. I don’t know why I thought Grey would be any different. My mistake I suppose.
I have come to realise that Grey and I are so completely different that it borders on incompatible. The idea that opposites attract is fine and all, but not when it comes to issues which are fundamental to a relationship. Grey and I planned a holiday to the South together next week, but I cannot honestly say that if it weren’t for this planned retreat that I would still be with him.
I am, of course, writing out all the things I’m thinking. There is a reason I do not speak what I’m thinking at all times, which is because I’d either be left with no friends or no boyfriend. These fleeting thoughts are often, as I described them, fleeting. In five minutes I’ll probably be on the phone with Grey, completely forgetting this train of thought.
Or I will be cancelling our weekend away together. 

10 Responses to “Oh, Bother”

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  1. "Pink Bear" says:

    >How come you liked him so much if you're so completely incompatible – weren't they niggling at you beforehand?
    I'm sorry that he cheated on you. It's shit. We all know how it feels. I wouldn't tell somebody that I'd trust them again though (we all know that is so rarely true), but then I've already learnt from my mistakes.
    I hope you make your mind up soon, for your sake. x

  2. Anonymous says:

    >:(
    Boys are rubbish Oxbridge, only good for one thing.. and most of them aren't terribly good at that! x

  3. Anonymous says:

    >Get over it.

    Neither of you are Saints, go away for your week and see how things are.

  4. Delbert says:

    >I've been in a position like that before. The weekend away was a birthday present to me, to Dublin. For what it's worth, I cancelled both the trip and the relationship. It was very much the right thing to do. I don't pretend to know you or your true circumstances, but form the little I do know, if I were you I'd cancel too.

  5. Anonymous says:

    >er…maybe I'm missing something but I thought he had kissed a girl in a drunken state and that the girl (the one you suspected all along)had pushed for it? Is there more to it than a drunken snog?

    Cancel the holiday anyway and take someone else

    but stay being single it's more fun for you…

    and us ;)

    Dan x

  6. Anonymous says:

    >Post #2. Change "boys" to "people", less specific but truer.

  7. galeni says:

    >Sorry, but I think your definition of cheating guarantees that any caring human will "cheat" on you by simply being the open and kind person you fell for. Yes, the Ex cheated and lied, no question. But Grey? Was merely human and not the storied parfait gentil knight you seem to think you deserve. Be compassionate not judgmental and keep going for the lusty joy I keep reading your blog for.

  8. vjs says:

    >Be strong . Even though we don't know you we follow your life . Are happy when you are and sad when you are . We are in your corner . Most of us are , some just like to correct the grammar :)

  9. the silent observer says:

    >I love this post..can relate to fleeting thoughts so much, specially the part abt not being able to speak out all your thoughts all the time coz then we wud be left with no friends or boy friends. Take Care. :)

  10. Love and Literature says:

    >It sounds like he has turned out not to be the person he portrayed himself to be. In your earlier posts about Grey you painted him as almost too good for you, the sort of chap who wouldn't ever cheat, a properly 'good' person etc. Sadly people rarely live up to who we think, or rather would like, them to be. I found this with my ex-boyfriend. We were very happy for a long time but slowly I started to see him as he really is rather than being blidned by love to his faults and we started down the long and painful road towards breaking up.

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