Cat Fight

Grey and I have a mutual friend. I shall name her Cat. For the obvious alternate to dog names, of course. Cat is great, we both love her and she is a good laugh. I am not stupid though, nor am I ignorant to her complete infatuation with Grey. Although Cat and I are friends, I think she secretly hopes that Grey and I breakup. At least that’s what my absolutely crazy thoughts keep telling me. I am 95% sure that I am wrong on this. But the other 5% won’t stop nagging me. A lot of nicknames I’ve had from ex-boyfriends include something about me being mental. Is there something I’m missing? Why is it so clear to these boys that I’m a bit … well … crazy? Am I crazy? Or are they so daft that they think it’s okay to tell me about girls who fawn all over them. I suppose I do the same. Grey called me earlier while I was about to go to the cinema with some mates who happened to all be male. Hardly fawning, but as you may have gathered the majority of my friends are boys. ‘I’ll call you right back,’ [...] There's more...

Last Night

I woke up to a distinct smell of beer and pizza. I was in my bed and by ‘in’ I mean ‘on’ because I hadn’t actually managed to get under the duvet and had passed out on top of the covers and still had one shoe on. Just one. The other one was close by, and had probably just fallen off to be fair since they were flip flops. I squinted as the sun did what it did, which would be shining mostly, but it felt more like punching. The sun was punching me in the head with its brightness and heat and although I was on top of the duvet my body felt as if it were about a million degrees, probably trying to burn off any and all traces of alcohol in my system. Slinging my feet over the side of the bed as I sat up I kicked the other flip flop off. It didn’t land with a thud as you would expect to hear when shoe meets carpet, rather it was more of a slapping sound which was followed by a grunt. ‘Sorry!’ I whispered then stood up and stepped over Goodge and into what is [...] There's more...

Monogamy is Interesting

I realised that I have not posted anything remotely sex-related as of late. Mostly because I’m worried that the person I’m sleeping with (Grey) will find me out. However, I feel as though I can tell you other stories which may give you better insight as to why I began this blog in the first place. As I mentioned initially, I. Love. Sex. I love it. It is the most entertaining activity anyone can take part in. At least that’s my opinion. I didn’t really begin enjoying sex until The Ex. The first time I slept with The Ex I was extremely drunk and don’t remember much. The second time I was quite sober. To fully enjoy sex for men they merely have to complete the act. For women, however, it is a bit different. Having slept with a few other people before The Ex I thought I knew about sex and all its glories, but no. The first time I actually ‘enjoyed’ sex was with The Ex. As completely out of control and ridiculous as it may sound, the image of fireworks actually came into mind as we were doing it. I had never been with someone like him [...] There's more...

Lazy Days

As soon as exams ended I thought, ‘Phew, now I can get on with my busy sexing and blogging lifestyle.’ What has ensued has been almost two months of alcohol-infused antics. There were two days where I very optimistically wrote and published two posts back to back. In fact, I wrote them at the same time and then waited a day to post the second one so that it would appear as if I was starting a daily trend. Nay. Instead I got sidetracked by parties and BBQs and friends coming round all the time to catch up. One friend came over and asked if she could check her email on my computer. ‘Yeah, sure.’ She opened the laptop. ‘What’s the password?’ My mind quickly raced around what I had been doing last on the computer. Email? Facebook? Blog?? I panicked. ‘Oh, let me put that in for you.’ I became suspiciously spy-like, snatching the computer, putting it in my lap and quickly tapping in the password. The screen lit up to my email. I quickly scanned through the other windows open to find a half-written, half-coherent (I think I may have been drunk when writing it) blog entitled ‘Heart [...] There's more...

Warning

I sat in the pub across from a girl I had just met. She was rambling on and on about how she had been cheated on by an ex-boyfriend. We had been introduced through a mutual friend and it was a completely chance encounter. I happened to know this boy she was talking about, but tried to downplay to what extent I knew him. ‘Do not ever date him,’ she warned, ‘because I guarantee you, you won’t be the only one he’s sleeping with.’ That was a week after I had begun seeing The Ex. Her Ex, the one she was referring to. He had told me about her. I knew her as some crazy girl who had some vengeance against him and had been telling this story to anyone who would listen. He claimed to never have slept with her, let alone dated her, but the warning lingered in the back of my mind for the subsequent months I was with him. The nights he didn’t call. The nights he didn’t show up as he promised. The rumours. All of it brought me back to that conversation. ‘That prick,’ she began, ‘is a liar and will sleep with anything [...] There's more...

Backup

‘Are you ever too tired for sex?’ I asked Lad Boy as we sat in the garden of a pub drinking cider and eating crisps. ‘Oh yeah, all the time.’ ‘Really?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘I want to have sex all the time.’ I said, thinking out loud. ‘If I’m really tired it just won’t happen. Certain physiological factors go into having sex.’ ‘Ah, right.’ I said. ‘So it’s only if you’re tired that you don’t want to have sex?’ He thought for a second, looking up towards the sky and squinting through his Ray Bans. ‘Yeah that’s usually the only reason.’ ‘Well I think-’ ‘Or if I’m hungry!’ he interrupted. ‘That’s a mood killer.’ ‘You could eat during?’ I offered. ‘Nah, just have a cheeky sandwich and then you’re good to go.’ ‘What if it makes you fart?’ ‘Then I fart.’ ‘Eww, if we were in bed together and you farted I would leave.’ ‘You WISH you could get me into bed!’ he teased. ‘Am I that transparent?’ ‘I see through you like I see through this pint,’ he said holding it in front of his face. ‘Right, then what am I thinking about right now?’ ‘Sex with me.’ I gasped, feigning [...] There's more...

The End is Just the Beginning

The end of term that is. Alone time. I have virtually none. It has been a bit difficult lately to excuse myself politely in order to blog about sex. I, thus, apologise for my prolonged absence. I shall now move on to the story I wrote about two weeks ago but didn’t have time to edit and post. It has now been edited under my anal scrutiny, but please do let me know if I have missed something. I know you will because most of you are like me and detest spelling and grammatical errors. Anyway, on with the post … Exams. They’re terrible. Even neglecting my hobby of sharing stories with you all for nearly a month wasn’t enough to get the result I wanted. To be fair I did replace my hobby of writing about sex to just having consistent sex with one person so they’re just different degrees of distraction I suppose. I passed my exams though, so I’ll be welcomed back through the gates of my college once more in a couple of months. Moving. Perhaps even more terrible than exams. We all have to do it, and yet it seems to catch everybody by surprise. [...] There's more...

Summer Lovin’

It’s not you, it’s me. And I have been ignoring everybody so don’t feel that I singled this audience out. Well I’ve been ignoring almost everybody. I have some amazing stories that should be good summer reading. They include the usual suspects as well as New Boy who I’ll keep calling Grey for now, but I’m still not sure about that name. It’s funny, as soon as I stopped writing about sex I started having much more of it. Probably a coincidence. Things to come: 1. As I mentioned, I reconciled with Dill. This backfired slightly in a mishap including him, my bed, and passing out. While I sat at my desk pulling an all-nighter for an exam. The details of the story are much more interesting that that synopsis. 2. Grey. Me. Sex. 2a. Everybody I’ve had sex with in the last year calling me and asking me out as soon as I started seeing Grey. (Including T, Rugby Blue – again- and some others I have yet to introduce you to.) 2b. Me feeling like it would probably upset Grey if I slept with someone else. 2c. Me realising I didn’t want to sleep with anyone else. 3. [...] There's more...

Crunch Time

In order to minimise distractions during this hectic time in my life, I am taking a break from writing about sex. Partially because I am not having any at the moment and writing about it just makes me depressed. But mostly because I am terrified of failing my exams. The ‘Oxbridge’ part of my life is more important than the ‘sex’ part of my life. But to give you a short synopsis of what has been happening as of late: Dill – we are on speaking terms again and have gone back to being friends, but on a lesser scale. As in, we don’t text each other ten times a day any more, but are fine to hang out together in the company of the rest of our friends. The rest of the Tube Stops – half of them I rarely see because, like me, they are revising like mad, and the other half I have sporadic outings with to the cinema or to dinner in town. New Boy – I suppose he warrants a dog-esque name at this point. He is another one of the minor reasons I have no time to write this blog lately, being that I [...] There's more...

Puppy Love

I have forgotten how to date. No, seriously. Living in my self-absorbed bubble, where the world revolves around me, my exams, and ultimately what I want, I’ve managed to create my own universe to the exclusion of just about everyone. Casual sex has been convenient in these dire times, as I haven’t the energy nor the spare minutes to invest in a relationship. Recently I’ve been in all sorts of relationships, but none of them fit the criteria of an actual romantic union. I have many different men in my life who play many different roles. The closest thing I’ve had to a boyfriend this year is someone who already had a girlfriend. Why, might you ask. Well probably because subconsciously there was no threat of that getting too serious, and when it did I hit the self-destruct button. I have friends who can fill in as pseudo-boyfriends whenever I like, going on dates with them, but not being involved physically with them. I have guys I can sleep with at my discretion, but with whom I have no monogamous agreement, nor any obligation to call or speak to. Then occasionally, like now, I meet someone who I want to [...] There's more...