The Weekend Trilogy: Friday

Lad Boy walked into my flat and dumped his rucksack on a chair. ‘How you manage to be chronically early to everything is beyond me.’ I said.

‘Am I early?’

‘You said you’d be here at eight, it’s seven-fifty.’

‘Made good time, didn’t I?’

‘Yes, well I’m not ready. I haven’t even packed.’

‘Right. How committed are you to going home this weekend? Have you told your mum we’re coming?’

‘I told her earlier in the week that I would probably be coming home. Why?’

‘Just spoke to Kash [short for the dog breed Kashon]. He’s in London this weekend.’

‘That’s right! I completely forgot. Oh no.’

‘Oh yes.’

‘Oh, we can’t go. I haven’t seen Kash in months!’

‘Glad you agree, because I told him we’d meet him in an hour’

I laughed. ‘Okay, let me finish getting ready and then we can do one. Can you text my mum from my phone?’

‘Sure thing.’

‘Ta.’

As I put my makeup on Lad Boy shouted from the other room. ‘What’s the pin to unlock your phone again?’

I told him and carried on getting ready. I was beyond caring about him knowing everything about my life. He had the passwords to my laptop and phone, and the pin to my bank card. If anyone was savvy enough to figure what I did for a hobby it would be him, but to be fair, if he even glanced at my blog he would know immediately so I’m not exactly concerned with privacy when it comes to Lad Boy, especially seeing as he isn’t the type to peruse blogs or snoop around on my computer. It’s entirely reciprocal, and digitally speaking we could easily swap lives with the amount of information we have on each other, but that’s neither here nor there.

I walked into the sitting room to find him on my laptop. ‘How do I look?’

‘Amazing.’ He said, without looking up.

‘Thanks love.’

‘Mmhmm.’ He said, scrolling through a website.

‘What are you looking at?’

‘Nothin.’

I collapsed into the couch next to him. ‘Nothing, huh?’

He was browsing through his ex-girlfriend’s facebook page. ‘She can be so naïve sometimes.’

‘How so?’

He went on to tell me about a conversation he had with her earlier that day and after he was finished venting he sighed loudly and said, ‘I need a drink.’

‘Let’s go then.’

‘You look good by the way.’ He said, grabbing his coat.

‘I know.’ I said, walking out the door.

We walked to the local shop and picked up two beers for the walk to where we were meeting Kash.

‘Do you think you’ll get back together?’ I asked, taking a sip of my beer.

He took a sip and thought for a moment. ‘Yeah, probably.’

‘That’s good. I think everyone has noticed how upset you were about the breakup. It’s unfortunate when it has to be circumstantial.’

‘Well that’s just it. It’s not as if anything was going wrong, except for the timing. I think she might be it though.’

‘Well then you just hang in there, mate.’ I said, patting him on the back.

‘Until then, let’s get hammered.’

‘Deal.’ I said, and we clinked bottles before finishing our drinks.

We dumped the empties in a rubbish bin and walked towards the tube station where Kash was meant to meet us. ‘He should be around here somewhere.’ Lad Boy said, looking around.

‘Oi!’ We heard from behind us and turned around to see Kash with his arm in the air.

He walked towards us and I stepped in front of Lad Boy. ‘Me first!’ I said, throwing my arms around him. ‘Hi!’

He laughed. ‘Hey there, miss. How’s my favourite bro?’

‘Much better now that you’re here.’ I said, kissing him on the cheek.

‘Alright, mate?’ Lad Boy said, stepping in to give Kash a hug.

‘Yeah, mate. I’m good.’ He turned to the other guy lurking behind him. ‘Guys, this is my friend from work.’

We made our introductions then headed to a club, catching up along the way. Once we were inside it was difficult to carry on a conversation because it was so loud.

‘Wine?’ Lad Boy shouted.

‘Sure.’ I yelled back. ‘Do you want me to check your coat?’

‘Yeah.’ He yelled, handing his coat over.

I went to the coat check with Kash and we walked up to the window and handed over our items.

‘Oh … shit …’ Kash said.

‘What?’ I asked, then said, ‘Oh …’ as I matched his gaze to the queue of about ten people we had just cut off. ‘Oh well!’ I said, grabbing my tag and leaving the window. ‘Sorry!’ I said, wincing as we walked past the queue.

Kash was laughing as he walked ahead and we made our way to the bar to find Lad Boy and Kash’s friend. ‘Table?’ Lad Boy shouted, handing me two glasses.

‘Yeah.’

We found a table and as we sat down a waitress immediately appeared to tell us the minimum we had to spend whilst sat there to be able to have the table.


Kash’s friend spoke up immediately. ‘We’ll have two more bottles of wine and five shots of …’ He turned to me.

‘Tequila.’ I said, matter-of-factly. Lad Boy grimaced and Kash laughed.

‘Tequila.’

‘Five?’ The waitress asked, doing quick math.

‘Yes. One for each of us and one for you.’ He said, winking at her.

She laughed. ‘Well, I am off in about ten minutes.’

‘You should join us.’ I said. Lad Boy nodded and winked at me from the corner of his eye in recognition of my wing man move. ‘Balance out the male-female ratio.’

She smiled. ‘Sure. I’ll be back with your drinks in a second.’

‘Where’s the toilet?’ Kash asked.

‘In that corner over there.’ I said, pointing across the club.

‘Cheers.’

‘What do you think about the waitress?’ I said, looking at Lad Boy.

He shrugged. ‘Distinctly average.’

‘You really need to stop using that phrase.’

He laughed. ‘But it’s hilarious.’

‘It is, but regardless. It’s rude.’

‘Pfft. Don’t give a fuck.’

‘Don’t be THAT guy.’ I said, frowning.

‘Oh, I AM that guy.’

‘Alright, Captain Douche.’

‘Yep. Good one.’

Kash walked back. ‘So that was the ladies. Any idea where the gents is?’

‘Oh, sorry.’ I said.

‘It’s fine, I think I’d be a bit concerned if you knew where the gents toilet was.’

‘It’s over there, mate.’ Lad Boy said pointing towards the opposite side of the club.

As Kash walked away I asked, ‘Why didn’t you tell him that in the first place?’

He shrugged. ‘I’m THAT guy, remember?’

‘Dick.’

‘You fuckin love it.’

‘Only because I’m probably just as much of a dick.’ I said, finishing my wine.

‘More so, I’d say.’

‘Ta.’

I turned to Kash’s friend to engage him in some conversation and a couple of minutes later the waitress had returned with our wine and shots. ‘I’ll be right back.’ She said.

‘We’ll be waiting.’ Kash’s friend said.

She smiled. ‘I’ll be back.’

Kash returned and the waitress followed shortly, having changed out of her work uniform. Kash’s friend squeezed in close to me and she sat on our side. ‘Shots!’ He yelled, putting a shot of tequila in front of each of us.

I rubbed the lime on my hand and poured salt onto it before toasting along with everyone else and shouting, ‘Cheers!’

It’s at this point that the night took a turn for the hazy. If you’ve ever seen the movie The Hangover, it’s a bit like the part where they take the shots of jaeger and then all of a sudden it’s the next morning. Only I didn’t wake up in Vegas with a tiger in my room, I woke up in my bed with Lad Boy next to me, but I’ll get to that.

Once we had finished the tequila we finished bottles three and four of wine before ordering a round of jaeger bombs and bowls full of some sort of mixed cocktail and bottles of prosecco. I’m hoping that the second round of jaeger bombs after that was the last of what we drank, but I can’t say with 100% certainty that that was the case.

The waitress’ sister joined us at one point and Lad Boy began chatting her up as Kash’s friend spoke to the waitress. Kash nodded towards the bar and I got up to go have a catch up with him.
Kash had been a mutual acquaintance our first year, but had largely been a friend of Lad Boy’s rather than a friend of mine. His last year was my first year and he had been working abroad ever since graduating. In our second year Lad Boy, myself, and a group of our friends from college had made a pilgrimage to go see him at Easter, but that trip was essentially the first time I had even had a conversation with Kash. Last year Kash came to Oxbridge for post-exam celebrations and ended up sleeping on an air mattress on the floor of my room for three nights and it was then that we had become close friends.

The long weekend I spent with Kash had been completely platonic, and even on the night when we ended up passing out next to each other in my bed, fully clothed in black tie wear, nothing had happened. Which is why I’m confused how it came to be that we ended up pulling in the middle of the club. Maybe we ran out of things to talk about and decided to do the next best thing with our mouths, I don’t know. But what I do know is that we were kissing for anywhere between fifteen minutes to three hours. It was a big club so we had been separated from everyone else for quite some time before Lad Boy finally spotted us.

‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!’ He shouted at us.

‘Um. I’m going to go to the toilet.’ Kash said, turning and walking away.

‘Stop pulling your friend!’ Lad Boy shouted over the music.

‘Why?!’ I asked, surprised at his sudden anger.

‘Because!’ He said, pausing to think of a reason before daftly shouting, ‘He’s your friend!’

‘So what?’ I asked, still surprised by his apparent anger that Kash and I had been kissing.

‘You don’t have to pull EVERYONE you know.’ He said, frowning at me judgmentally.

‘What the fuck does that mean?’ I asked.

‘What, so you’re just going to go around pulling all of my friends?’

‘He’s my friend, too. Why are you being like this?’

‘Fine. Whatever!’ He turned to go to the bar and Kash returned.

‘Want to go?’ I asked.

‘Sure.’ Kash said, and we went back to the coat check to get our things.

Now, the argument with Lad Boy could have gone differently, but from what we pieced together the next day that’s how things probably went, and it’s most likely why I left with Kash.

I got a taxi home with Kash, I assume, and when we got back to mine we went to my room and probably engaged in about ten minutes of foreplay before completely passing out. We had attempted to have sex but were both so uselessly drunk that we didn’t even manage to get all of our clothes off.

In the middle of the night I woke up and rolled over to see Lad Boy lying next to me. I froze. ‘What the fu – ’ I began to say then crawled out of bed to go to the toilet. Where the fuck are my pants? Why is Lad Boy in my bed? Shit. Did we … No, definitely haven’t had sex. But … what the fuck?

It was only in hindsight that I remembered this train of thought, as the next morning I woke up in an oversized shirt and different pants to those I had worn out. I slowly opened my eyes, blinking at the morning light.

‘Alright?’ Lad Boy groaned.

I made some sort of noise. ‘Why are you in my bed?’

‘Why did you leave me at the club?’

I frowned. ‘I don’t know. What happened last night?’

‘You tell me.’

I paused. ‘I think I pulled Kash.’

Lad Boy laughed. ‘Typical.’

Kash appeared in the doorway. ‘Hey guys.’

‘Hey.’ I said.

He crawled onto the bed and collapsed. ‘You guys totally disappeared.’ Lad Boy said. ‘And then I came back and walked into your room and your dress was half off and you were just passed out, so I told Kash I’d deal with it and threw a shirt at you.’

‘I have sixteen missed calls from you.’ I said to Lad Boy, scrolling through my phone.
‘I have ten.’ Kash said.
‘Let’s listen to the voicemail.’ I said, putting the phone on speaker.
‘[My name here] … NOT impressed!’ Was all it said. We all started laughing.
‘You left me!’ Lad Boy said, defensively. ‘And who knows what happened to Kash’s friend!’

‘Think he went back to our hotel.’ Kash said.

‘Kash.’ I said.

‘Huh?’

‘Did we pull each other last night?’  

‘I think we did.’

We all started laughing again. ‘Well, last I remember I was in bed with Kash.’ I said.

‘Yeah we were in bed then Lad Boy rang the bell and when I answered the door he came in here and was like “Look at the state of her! I’ll take care of this.” So I slept on the couch.’ 

Lad Boy laughed loudly. ‘Brilliant.’

‘You totally cock-blocked Kash! And me for that matter!’ I said to Lad Boy.

He laughed. ‘Whoops! Yeah when I came in here you were just passed the fuck out.’

‘Too be fair I doubt anything would have actually happened.’ I said.

‘Yeah, probably not. We were DRunk.’ Kash said.

‘So let me get this straight.’ I said, turning to Lad Boy. ‘You come back to mine, come into my room, see me half naked, and your first reaction is to get into my bed.’

‘Seems so!’ Lad Boy said.

‘You are unbelievable.’

‘Unbelievably funny.’

‘I actually find this quite amusing.’ I said.

‘As do I.’ Kash said.

‘I’m glad we’re all agreed on that.’

Lad Boy got up and was only in his pants. ‘Why aren’t you wearing clothes?’ I asked, laughing.

‘Dude. Do you have an erection?’ Kash asked.

‘Might have a semi. Happens in the morning, okay? Stop looking at my penis!’ Lad Boy said.

‘Then put on some clothes!’ I shouted. ‘By the way, you have a surprisingly large penis.’

‘I know, right?’ Lad Boy said, smiling.

‘Is this weird?’ I asked.

‘Nah.’ Lad Boy said, walking towards the door. He stopped at the foot of the bed. ‘Um, guys?’

‘Huh?’ I said.

‘What’s that?’ He asked pointing to the ground.

Kash and I looked over the edge of the bed where a condom was lying on the floor. ‘Huh.’ I said.

‘You guys totally did it.’ Lad Boy said.

‘No, we attempted to.’ I corrected him. I remember quite clearly that Kash could not actually get it up due to the amount of alcohol consumed.

Lad Boy shrugged. ‘Still not weird. Breakfast?’

‘Yeah, mate.’ Kash said.

As they got dressed I cleaned up the room, throwing the two opened, but unused condoms in the bin before getting dressed myself.

We went for a pub breakfast and as we were walking home Lad Boy said, ‘I feel like I might still be drunk.’

‘You know a good way to avoid a hangover?’ I asked.

‘Huh?’ Lad Boy said.

‘Bucks Fizz.’

‘That might be the best idea you’ve ever had.’ Kash said.

‘I tend to have a few good ones.’ I replied.

‘How many bottles?’ Lad Boy asked as we walked into the shop.

Kash and I shrugged. ‘Two?’

‘Plan.’ Lad Boy said.

And thus began Saturday.

To Be Continued … Next time: the party grows and two bottles magically turn into nine. 

8 Responses to “The Weekend Trilogy: Friday”

Read below or add a comment...

  1. Anonymous says:

    >i think lad boy likes you. haha.

  2. Anonymous says:

    >Seconded!

  3. Anonymous says:

    >You're going to be devastated when Lad Boy gets somebody and you realise you can't have him.
    Save yourself the pain, you should be together.

  4. Anonymous says:

    >will no one accept that they are just friend?

  5. Anonymous says:

    >Well, at least to me it seems pretty obvious that what she's hinting at here is that when "Lad Boy" was looking through her laptop/phone he saw messages in which she says she slept with "Warren", and that is why he was annoyed with her trying to get off with more of his friends. Not because he likes her himself.

  6. Anonymous says:

    >Take it from a guy, Lad Boy likes you.

    Maybe you don't get 'the butterflies' around him. Big whoop. Fact is you like being with each other even when sex isn't on the agenda. That's a stupid thing to waste on account of a little initial awkwardness.

    obvs. Feel free to ignore me and carry on having a host of relationships that fizzle out as soon as the spark dies.

  7. Anonymous says:

    >Are you alright? Long silence…

Trackbacks

  1. […] on the blog at least…you can read about some of our shenanigans in The Weekend Trilogy: Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Cash is kind of a dumb name so I’m going to call him Will since […]



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