I realised that I have not posted anything remotely sex-related as of late. Mostly because I’m worried that the person I’m sleeping with (Grey) will find me out. However, I feel as though I can tell you other stories which may give you better insight as to why I began this blog in the first place. 
 
As I mentioned initially, I. Love. Sex. I love it. It is the most entertaining activity anyone can take part in. At least that’s my opinion. 
 
I didn’t really begin enjoying sex until The Ex. 
 
The first time I slept with The Ex I was extremely drunk and don’t remember much. The second time I was quite sober. To fully enjoy sex for men they merely have to complete the act. For women, however, it is a bit different. Having slept with a few other people before The Ex I thought I knew about sex and all its glories, but no. 
 
The first time I actually ‘enjoyed’ sex was with The Ex. As completely out of control and ridiculous as it may sound, the image of fireworks actually came into mind as we were doing it. I had never been with someone like him and have not been with someone like him since. He is (hands down) the best I’ve ever had in bed. 
 
While he was the best in bed, it certainly did not translate to our relationship. Or ‘relationship’. For someone who could make me so happy, he sure knew how to cause as much pain as possible as well. I love him, but I cannot stand to be near him.  
 
Having spent months apart from The Ex has helped. There have been road bumps along the way. Namely Dill and Rugby Blue, but all these things have lead me to Grey. Grey is unlike anyone else I’ve ever been with. I dare say the feelings I have for him start with a L and end with a -ove, but who knows. He is the sweetest man I know and everything anyone else I’ve ever been with isn’t. 
 
So that’s it. I’m having sex with someone I love and it is fantastic. 
 
… Ok, it’s ok. I get bored sometimes. I know! I am a jerk. But, honestly I get bored. When Rugby Blue is calling me at 3am I sometimes wonder what would happen if I answered. Dill broke up with his girlfriend and I sometimes wonder what would be if I were single. I wonder. I never act on it though. I think one of the most telling signs as to whether or not you care for someone is when you stop thinking of others in a romantic way. Or in a sexual way. Either way – I don’t think of anyone but Grey in that way at the moment. And I’m okay with it. 

2023 Update: I cannot believe how delulu I was. Also I’m pretty sure Grey figured out I was writing this blog if him asking me to my face if I wrote this blog is any sort of indication. His suspicions are probably why I was so complimentary at the time, but I’m not sure there was ever a “fantastic” point in our relationship. Just one of those people that I should’ve really only been friends with. I think by the end of our relationship I was just staying with him out of spite. Mature, I know, but it was like a game of who could make who more miserable.

I suppose when I was writing this post I was happy, but there was an underlying sadness to Grey that he could never even try to deal with and eventually I couldn’t justify staying with someone who was resolved to leading an unhappy life. I hope he got his shit together. Last we spoke was a couple years ago when I had a nightmare that he was drowning and I was trying to save him, which I felt he needed to know about. He promised to be careful when walking across London Bridge on his way to work.

I believe he got married, and I also believe people can change, we were after all young and quite emotionally unintelligent. Either way, I’m not telling the truth about everything now out of spite, I think it’s just odd to read what I wrote when the reality was so much different. I guess even when you’re writing anonymously you’re still trying to portray yourself how you want to be seen and after so many terrible ex-boyfriends I was determined that this one was going to be the best boyfriend ever. First mistake is assuming a man can do that in the first place, but live and learn!