Since I previously used She Hulk as an example of my kind of temper, I think it’s only appropriate to continue the theme.
In what can only be described as the biggest kick in the arse from karma ever, I have been cheated on. And in what was perhaps the most childish reaction possible, I partook in some retaliation cheating myself.
There are a few different types of cheaters:
1. Cheaters who confess. I call these ones selfish. Unless there’s an infection involved, if you want to keep your relationship in tact it’s probably best to not kiss and tell.
2. Cheaters who care nothing about the person they cheat with, think nothing more of it than a drunken snog/shag, and do not tell their partner about it.
3. Cheaters who are caught.
There are different types of people that the cheaters cheat with as well:
1. Randoms that they will probably never speak to again.
2. Friends who they will probably speak to again. And with whom they’ve probably been having some sort of emotional affair with anyhow.
3. A second girlfriend or boyfriend that they have been hiding from you.
Grey is a #1 Cheater who cheated with a #2 Cheatee.
I am a #2 Cheater who cheated with at #1 Cheatee.
When I say “cheat” I do not mean in the typical SAO type of hookup, as I merely snogged a boy I met out in town with friends. Grey, to his credit, did not sleep with someone else either. He and Cat kissed. I told you that bitch was up to no good. My suspicions were correct. As I knew, she liked Grey, and all it took was her getting him drunk enough to make some bad decisions. My irrational anger doesn’t seem so irrational in hindsight.
Me and Cat…in a fantasy-like scenario.
When the news was dropped on me like a ton of bricks I was livid. I told Dr. Boy and he offered to take me out for drinks, which would have probably ended up in retaliation sex, but I decided against that and instead made Grey come see me*. While I waited for him to show up I drank a bottle of wine and wrote out all sorts of relationship-ending insults which I would never have been forgiven for and then threw them away. By the time Grey showed up I was over the worst of the anger.
Me, rationally answering the door.
We talked things through and I think the worst thing I said was, “Are you trying to get me to break up with you?” He wasn’t. And he apologised endlessly.
Although I forgave Grey, it was last night that I realised that I was still quite angry about the entire situation. If you read ‘Cat Fight’ and ‘It’s Not Me, It’s Her’ you’ll see that I tried to make endless excuses for Cat**. I’m not sure just how to say this without sounding like a complete bitch, but if you put us side by side it’s like Sienna Miller versus Daisy Wright (the ugly nanny Jude Law cheated on Sienna with for anyone who’s been living under a rock for the past decade). But a fatter and uglier Daisy. I think I was more insulted that Grey didn’t at least kiss someone who was prettier than I am. That I could understand. I suppose it reminded me of Dill and myself, and knowing what Dill said to me and how I felt about Dill made me feel even worse for Dill’s girlfriend and made me hate Cat even more since I know exactly what she’s trying to do because I’ve done it myself.
I sound like a complete hypocrite. And I hate that as well. Grey has not only made me feel bad about being cheated on, but he’s made me feel even worse about what I’ve done to poor Dill’s girlfriend. Even though I’m confident she knows nothing. I envy her a bit for that. Grey asked if I would have rather him not tell me and I couldn’t answer the question. Would him concealing it make him prone to doing it again? Did him telling me make things unbearably worse? Considering it drove me to revert to my morally-casual ways, maybe it did. Having now done that however, I am confident that I am preferring my life with Grey to my life without him.
Which is why I am confident that I will remain a #2 Cheater. I have no desire nor need to tell Grey about what I did, and am still not sure if I am pleased that he told me about what he did. I’m obviously not pleased that he did it, but the one friend I told about the situation said, ‘The fact that he told you and apologised so much means he really cares about you!’ Actually, if he really cared about me he wouldn’t have cheated on me … Still, oddly enough I think the conversations which came from the cheating helped things. Me cheating (kissing) did not help things so I think I’ll avoid that in the future.
Me, being okay with things.
*I went to his after I had to turn my phone off because he wouldn’t stop calling me after I told him I didn’t want to talk to him. I also went to his because as previously mentioned he was quite weird about sex and religiously used a condom and I knew he had a box of exactly three condoms and that we had used one of them so I walked straight into his room and opened the drawer to see how many there were and sure enough there were still two. The religiously using a condom thing isn’t weird, just to clarify, but a lot of guys will do whatever mental gymnastics and gaslighting possible to justify not using one. I think we had run out once and I jokingly suggested we play “just the tip” and you’d think I’d insulted his ancestors with how indignantly he refused.
**Initially I was quite complimentary about Cat in this blog, but since I’ve been going back and editing it I’ve taken all that shit out. I never liked her and at the time I was still worried people would find out my identity and I didn’t want half the blog to be me trash talking people I saw every day, but I haven’t seen her in over a decade so I can speak my truth now.