Relationships can be great. They can also be horrendous. My relationship with Grey has been wavering in and out of the latter.
I won’t lie to you, as it really is of no use. You don’t know me. I don’t know you. So where else can I be completely honest about things? I am absolutely miserable. When I told Grey I forgave him, that was pretty honest. Saying that I would ever trust him again was another issue entirely. As I’ve told you, I’ve been cheated on. As in proper, entirely second relationship happening behind my back, cheated on. People had warned me about The Ex, I knew what I was getting myself into. Grey was so different. He was sweet*, kind, the kind of boyfriend you’d see in some cheesy film. Obviously from experience I know that men cheat. Mainly because they’re either cheating with me or trying to cheat with me, or telling me about their cheating. I don’t know why I thought Grey would be any different. My mistake I suppose.
I have come to realise that Grey and I are so completely different that it borders on incompatible. The idea that opposites attract is fine and all, but not when it comes to issues which are fundamental to a relationship. Grey and I planned a holiday to the South together next week, but I cannot honestly say that if it weren’t for this planned retreat that I would still be with him.
I am, of course, writing out all the things I’m thinking. There is a reason I do not speak what I’m thinking at all times, which is because I’d either be left with no friends or no boyfriend. These fleeting thoughts are often, well just that, fleeting. In five minutes I’ll probably be on the phone with Grey, completely forgetting this train of thought.
Or I will be cancelling our weekend away together.**
*He was a miserable bastard. But he was hot. Like really hot. And we did have some good times together, but I wouldn’t exactly call him sweet.
**My dumb ass did not cancel this holiday and literally all my friends I introduced him to were like, “He’s kind of a jerk to you.” He was kind of a jerk. Hence not sweet. But yeah it was a terribly misguided holiday and we almost broke up over me letting my family dog sleep in the bed with us. He was like, “it’s me or the dog” (in the bed, but probably also in general) and that’s how I ended up sleeping on the couch with the dog. Do not give me an ultimatum involving a dog, you will lose every single time.